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Kindle Notes & Highlights
stop blowing dandelion seeds in my face i need a field of sunflowers
please let me have the ocean i need to swim for a while i need to let the waves carry me
just want to be loved i just want to be loved i just want to be loved i just want to be loved without condition
the mother i want to be
asks how your day was but doesn’t accept good as an answer
the mother i want to be listens without judgment
you are enough
when they say they’re not trying to make you feel guilty it’s for their sake, not yours
stop trying to break me too
took beatrice to your gravestone but she didn’t know why we stopped there because you can’t explain burial to a dog so i dug up my missing you with tears and no shovel and you gave me a little more understanding of my mother when i heard you whisper she’s just tired
wish you were here to remind us to love a little more and judge a little less
cause our brand of love is still i told you so when we could use a little more i love you no matter what
i miss a little more salt but for you i will try to be a little more sweet
you keep trying to fix other people it’s you that’s broken
you don’t set boundaries to end a relationship you set boundaries to continue it
i have always been a little bit weird a little too fat a target for bullies and you can’t play with us
instead of talking to friends you talk to yourself
and your stuffed animals write on whatever you can find dance in your room
that little girl just wanted to be included to feel loved to be a part of something
she may not have belonged, but she belongs to
me
to my inner child— i am sorry you never learned how the words i love you were supposed to feel i am sorry you were ignored i am sorry you were never told you are enough
it was the heaviest thing to watch your petals fall as i write this my tears can’t help but pour because the holidays are so much harder
how do you draw boundaries when your inner child just wants closeness
just wanna kiss you or anybody but mainly you
trace your lip lines with my finger use lots of tongue but not too sloppy ok, kinda sloppy
would you hold my hand even if it’s sweaty would you say you missed me even if you didn’t
why you gotta smell so good
why you gotta smile at me
why are your lips so nice i’m just trying to mind my business why you gotta make me fall in love with you again
know we just met but we might as well get married
Matteo
was in love with you and more you made me feel like i was standing on stable ground
sometimes i wonder what life would be like if we had never met if we never collided in this lifetime or learned what the curve of each other’s faces felt like who would i be if i had never held your hand who would i be if i had never been loved by you
i miss the feeling of trust with eyes closed
no doubt in us
any kind of kindness makes my knees weak for at least a week i could slip over prolonged eye contact or a nice smile baby, you’ve got to know you have me but i am yours to lose
i didn’t know at first but then in a full room you looked at me to see if i was laughing i didn’t know at first but then my cheeks kept hurting from smiling at you i didn’t know at first but then your eyes seeped past my eyeline made their way into my soul i didn’t know at first but then i knew that this was me falling in love with you
i tried to teach you how to love me but the love i needed would have come naturally
be gentle i am what’s left of a glass house too many stones have been thrown in my shards are sharp but if you move slow i promise they will dull be patient there is a door for you to open it’s just a little hidden but if you make it through i will gladly hand over the key be kind even though my words are harsh i rarely mean it my teeth are serrated but if you don’t bite back my tongue will learn to love you
i love you more than all of me
if you wanted to be with me you would be here already
i wish i could clean up the mess that i made of myself pack it up in boxes drop it off at the thrift store fill garbage bags with my self-criticism rent a dumpster to toss out the insults i throw at myself have a trash fire kindled with unrequited love and all the longing i do that lasts for too long is it thursday already don’t let the garbage truck leave i’m not finished yet i just need a little more time to get this messed cleaned up
i’m sorry i don’t have anything left in me
teach me how to love with arms wide open my limbs seem to be permanently crossed i’m stuck here unclench my fists kiss my palms and tell them all my wars have already been fought and the cavalry isn’t coming back remind me about the sun make me look up instead of down wish on my teardrops until they become moonlight i promise they’ll become moonlight please don’t give up on me please love me at my worst
you cannot use someone else’s map to find yourself
i am resistant to change i’d rather eat ice and cry on an airplane
i’m drinking cold coffee with cold feet my brain is numb because i forgot to sleep and though i never liked touching people i’d give my right arm to hold your hand can someone please breathe on me again can someone please love me again
i’m sorry to no one i’m sorry to everyone but most of all i’m sorry to me for constantly cataloging my imperfections
i will float i will write about my body the way it doesn’t fit quite right in this bathtub the way it doesn’t fit quite right in this bra the way it doesn’t fit quite right in this dress until i realize it’s not me it’s the bathtub it’s not me it’s the bra it’s not me it’s the dress and i am becoming my coming of age in this very moment
