Please Love Me at My Worst

by Michaela Angemeer

they told me love is patient love is kind but you showed me that love is harsh love is negativity pointing out the bad love is a sharp tongue love is bladelike teeth always cutting never saying i’m sorry how does this love feel like poison in my blood like i’ve never known iron like i’ve never known oxygen why did you show this hurt to such a little girl her small hands couldn’t handle your blade it ripped her heart open

i am still in love with everyone i’ve ever been in love with

i’m just trying to mind my business why you gotta smell so good i’m just trying to mind my business why you gotta stretch like that i’m just trying to mind my business why you gotta smile at me i’m just trying to mind my business why are your teeth so nice i’m just trying to mind my business why are your lips so nice i’m just trying to mind my business why you gotta make me fall in love with you again

i am done with dating i am too intense for just drinks or a coffee i fall in love either immediately or never i am a stay-up-till-three-am girl talk-all-night girl tell-me-all-your-secrets girl i know we just met but we might as well get married

someone, anyone please tell me why can’t i kick the feeling that we were supposed to be together

i’m drinking cold coffee with cold feet my brain is numb because i forgot to sleep and though i never liked touching people i’d give my right arm to hold your hand can someone please breathe on me again can someone please love me again

love is sharing a banana split. and letting you have the last spring roll. it’s reminding me that i need to wake up early tomorrow. and staying up until i fall asleep. love is driving me to the airport. bringing takeout when you pick me up. love is grabbing your hand on a roller coaster. or during a scary movie. love is asking if you need a jacket. it’s feeling sad for me when i’m sad. love is knowing your favorite pizza toppings. love is surprise notes. love is being honest. love is showing up. love is all of it.

you deserve to be loved without condition. you are enough. without trying harder. without learning new things. without accomplishments. without success. without getting bigger or smaller. without getting smarter. without improvements. without changing anything at all. you are enough, just as you are.

i wish i could skip forward at least four years i just want to get to the good parts i wish i could blink and be in love with you whoever you are i just want my simple future love all i’m looking for is happy why do i have to go through all of this growing first why do i have to find myself before i find you