I quickly decided there couldn’t be a God because no God who was supposed to love me and had the power to intervene in my life would do nothing to save me. I didn’t have to be scared of going to hell because of my unbelief. I was already there. I lived in it every day. I want something to hold on to, but there’s nothing there anymore. I feel like I’m flying or falling, never steady or planted on anything solid. I’m unstuck from the world around me. Now I just float in empty, vast darkness.