Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

by Susan Cain

One of Rumi’s poems resonated in particular with my agnostic, skeptical self. It’s called “Love Dogs,” and it describes a man calling for Allah, until a cynic asks why he bothers: “I have heard you calling out, but have you ever gotten any response?” The man is shaken; he falls asleep and dreams of meeting Khidr, the guide of souls, who asks why he stopped praying. “Because I never heard an answer back,” says the man. Maybe it was a waste of time, maybe he was calling into the void. But Khidr tells him: This longing you express is the return message. The grief you cry out from draws you toward union. Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup. Listen to the moan of a dog for its master. That whining is the connection. There are love dogs no one knows the names of. Give your life to be one of them. I

In Japan, India, Iran, Argentina, South Korea, and the Maldives, smiling is viewed as dishonest, foolish, or both, according to a study by Polish psychologist Kuba Krys.

How do we get to the point of seeing our sorrows and longings not as indications of secret unworthiness but as features of humanity? How