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February 12 - August 20, 2022
We want to be known. We want to be seen. We want to be loved as we are, where we are, with what we have.
Basically, I thought adulthood was like a Happy Meal and friends were the treat inside. I thought adult friendships would play out like a fairy tale.
taught me to choose my friends wisely, to be intentional about the relationships I invest in, to guard my heart, and to go all in. It taught me to love the moment but to be aware that anything can change. It taught me to know who I am no matter what. No matter when. No matter how, and no matter who I’m around. It taught me about boundaries and learning to leave with grace.
It’s lonely when you are drowning in acquaintances but starving for actual connections.
Loneliness is as lethal as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.1 Fifteen! Let that sink in for a moment. It reduces your immunity and increases your risk of disease. When you’re lonely, things tend to magnify: stress affects you to a greater degree, financial problems take a heavier toll, marital issues seem insurmountable, health problems get worse.
Friendship involves effort on both parts. On your part. On theirs. Make your peace with this truth right now or you will forever be disappointed. You will have to show up when you want to stay home. You will have to extend the invitation when you would rather receive the invitation. You will have to answer calls, respond to texts, and remember birthdays. You will have to swallow your pride sometimes, and you absolutely cannot live like you’re the only one who matters, which, let’s be honest, is probably good practice anyway.
If you’re feeling lonely even though you’re surrounded by people, please learn to excuse yourself from tables that weren’t made for you. If the table doesn’t cheer when you win, it isn’t the right one. If the table brushes off your struggles or ignores your pain, it isn’t the right one. If they don’t listen when you’re trying to share your heart, you don’t want to be at their table. If they’re overly judgmental of you or others, always creating unnecessary drama, or don’t know how to be honest with you; if they’ve proven repeatedly that they can’t be trusted; if they aren’t reciprocating the
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Life is short, and it’s a whole lot more miserable when you spend it in the wrong place surrounded by the wrong people, so learn to speak up. Say what you want and how you feel out loud. People can’t love someone they don’t know, so make yourself known.
takes an estimated 94 hours to make a casual friend, 164 hours to become a friend-friend, and over 200 hours to become a close friend. He said that leisure time spent together is especially important.
Humility is insistent on finding the good in other people. Insecurity is insistent on finding the bad in us.
Insecurity forces us to focus fully on ourselves. Humility has this wonderful way of forcing us to focus on others.
That’s the key to friendship: to make people feel liked. To make it about them, and to care about their feelings and their needs.
No, not everyone will like you, but the ones who do will love you fiercely. No, not everyone will accept you, but the ones who do will embrace you with open arms. No, not everyone will invite you, but
the ones who do will want you in a way that makes you feel seen and known and valued. No, not everyone will want you, but the ones who do will hold on to you loyally,
You are loved. Get out there. Stand tall, and act like
Good friendships take intentionality; you can’t ignore them and expect them to be healthy.
You can’t treat people like you don’t value them and then expect them to value you. It’s
Friendship isn’t a luxury; it’s essential. We need people. We need connection. We need to belong.
We often have to be intentional and pursue the friendships for which we are looking.
Three in five Americans report being lonely.
I think I matter most when I’m liked. In fact, I think I only matter when I’m liked.
Saying I’m fine when I’m actually upset.
Thinking everything is a personal criticism.
Having trouble making a decision without asking people wha...
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Never being proud of myself until other peo...
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Offering to do things even though I truly don’t have time to do them. Signing up for things I...
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Rarely standing up for myself.
Allowing myself to be taken advantage of on a regular basis.
Getting mad at myself for having feelings that aren’t...
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I’d rather lose the people who don’t genuinely love me than lose myself trying to make them all happy.
I can’t be everyone’s Chick-fil-A sauce.
Nobody prioritizes in an identical manner, and there is no one standard to what makes a person a good friend, so I probably shouldn’t take it so personally when someone doesn’t like me, when someone doesn’t want to be my bestie, when I feel left out or excluded. I mean, I can’t be everyone’s Chick-fil-A sauce, and neither can you.
Be encouraging and kind and open. Keep fighting whatever your “thing” is. You
cured, but take little steps every single day to get closer to where you want to be and then breathe.
Appeasing everyone by being a watered-down version of yourself is, in fact, not the best way to keep friendships alive. It’s a good way to hit it off with people initially, sure, so I understand its appeal.
All of those feelings and ideas and passions you keep buried down—give them a voice. Let them be heard, not so you can drown out anyone else but so you can give them existence.
I’m scared of being alone. I worry that when someone doesn’t like me, it’s because I’m a bad person who has gotten it all wrong. I convince myself that the only way for me to love people is to earn their stamp of approval.
Stop assuming everyone doesn’t like you and start assuming they do.
Instead of trying to make people like you, flip the script, and make people feel liked.
The right people will accept you because you are yourself, not in spite of it. The right people will love
you because of your passions, your ideas, and your opinions, not in spite of them. The right people will never mind being told no every once in a while because they will genuinely want you to be happy. The right people will yearn to know you in a substantial and meaningful way, and they will never know you if you never unshackle yourself from your need to please people all the time.
It should be the place where we’re known and loved and given the benefit of the doubt.
