Pure Colour

by Sheila Heti

She was alone so she could hear herself thinking. She was alone so she could hear herself living.

Here in the first draft of existence, we crafted our own second drafts—stories and books and movies and plays—polishing our stones to show God and each other what we wanted the next draft to be, comforting ourselves with our visions. On good days, we acknowledged that God had done pretty well: he had given us life, and had filled in most of the blanks of existence, except for the blank in the heart.

There is always the chance to live newly, to be born into a second life, for the spirit and you.

They will remember this first draft the way we remember our first loves. The second draft will be like a mature love: long-lasting, decent, steady and right. It will not be like a first love: short-lived, painful, directionless and all wrong. They will look back on the world in which we are living with a certain bewilderment and awe, not quite believing that life was ever this way, just as when we are in a mature relationship, we can’t ever believe we lived through that first one.

so take me with you as a reminder that this present moment will one day be gone, and its troubles buried beneath so many layers of living.