Off Limits (Secrets Kept, #1)

by Riley Hart

I’d spent seven years in a relationship with Mads—five of them married. Maybe they had a right to be angry with me, but it wasn’t as if I’d planned it. I didn’t wake up one morning thinking, I’m clearly gay, but maybe I should marry my best friend anyway.

I unlocked the door, and the second I did, my cat, Raphael, came around the corner, giving me the evil eye. “What’s up, dude?” I set my keys and bag of food on the white marble kitchen countertop. Raph gave me a single meow and walked away. He was a bit of a dick.

GoodWithHisHands: But you’re a doctor. It makes sense. Isn’t it in the job description to be all fancy and a little bit of a self-righteous dick?

TheDoctorIsIn: Ouch. My first instinct was to call you judgmental, but…you’re maybe a little bit right. I like nice things. I’ve been told I can be a dick. But you forgot that I’m also a know-it-all, borderline cocky, always the smartest person in the room, and have a habit of making impulsive decisions. GoodWithHisHands: Hey, now. Slow your roll. Don’t you go getting layers and depth on me.

GoodWithHisHands: Let’s hope we only play doctor and I don’t really need you. TheDoctorIsIn: You should always need me. I’m a great fuck. GoodWithHisHands: I thought you said you were only borderline cocky? That sounds pretty fucking arrogant to me.

“How do you do that? First, you manage to meet someone everywhere we go. It’s like you’re a gay beacon or something. Is there a secret signal you send out that I can’t hear?” “No, I’m just that good,” I joked back,

“I can’t tell you, or I’d have to kill you. We’re not allowed to share secrets from the Gay Bible with the straights.”

“They’ve always been different with Hutch, compared to Mads.” Which wasn’t a good thing either. They put all their heart into Mads and all their expectations on Hutch.

GoodWithHisHands: We deserve to be happy too. So whatever it is you’re worrying about, try and let it go. You’re good enough.

TheDoctorIsIn: How do you know? GoodWithHisHands: I’ve seen your abs. No one with a body like that could be not good enough at anything. A loud laugh burst from my lips. God, I liked him.

Somehow, we learned we’d both been Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans when we were kids, and maybe we still were. I liked Raphael; he liked Michelangelo. He seemed to get a kick out of the fact that I’d named my cat after a mutant turtle that lived in the sewer.

“Have you seen her?” Hutch asked. “Maddy? The two of you aren’t…” My body immediately tensed up, anger taking root in my bones. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’m gay. I didn’t use that as an excuse to divorce your sister. My whole life changed with my truth, Hutch. It’s not a game.”

In the grand scheme of things, it should feel like I didn’t know a damn thing about this man, yet somehow I did. He’d become my friend, my companion, someone I talked with and laughed with and searched the elevator and lobby and sidewalk for every day, thinking that if my gaze caught his, I’d know.

“You were in a difficult situation, where the person you identified with was hurting someone you loved. I won’t fault you for that, Hutch.” His words softened something inside me, filed down some of my rough edges—both those regarding him and those I always had. That easily, Ryder had forgiven me. He’d accepted what I’d told him, accepted me and my mistakes, with no comments about how I’d screwed up, or how I could have done better, or what I should have done differently.

Your job wasn’t to protect me. It wasn’t to protect Mads either, but she’s your sister, so your loyalty was where it was supposed to be. You cared about your family while still trying to be fair to me. I have nothing but respect for that.”

“The second tragedy here is that we’re both gorgeous, queer men, and it can never go anywhere because you were married to my sister.”

If things were different, if I’d never been with his sister, Hutch would definitely be my type, but that wasn’t the case.

“What’s going on with you? Anything new?” she asked. I met someone. Well, I haven’t met him in person yet, but it feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives, and I like him, Maddy. Those words were there, in my head and on my tongue, but somehow I couldn’t get them out.

“Hey, sorry, I—” The man’s words cut off as familiar hazel eyes stared back at me. Ryder was there, wearing a shirt that said Lynwood Mechanics right above his heart.

I wanted Hutch. Grant Hutchinson the Third. Sure, I’d always thought him handsome, but now I wanted him. More than that even, I liked him. I’d wanted to get to know him better, to see where this could go, and the shitty part was, I wasn’t sure that had changed.

This was never supposed to turn into a situation where I missed him, where I felt a little extra lonely if I didn’t talk to him.

“I didn’t know I’d get stuck hanging out with you again today,” I joked as we headed for the door. “Don’t lie. You love it. I know you do.” “You wish,” I tossed back. “More than I should.” He opened the door and motioned for me to go through it as if he hadn’t just dropped that bombshell on me.

Leave it to me to finally find a person I wanted beyond a night or two, and it was someone I could never have.

I wanted him. Christ, did I want him, now more than ever.

Hutch was searching for was acceptance…love…attention. To feel like he mattered because he’d spent his life living in his sister’s shadow. It wasn’t her fault, but that didn’t make it less true.

“I want you, Ryder… God, I want you so fucking much; it’s eating me away inside. Why does it have to be you I can’t get out of my head? Why is it you I think about first thing when I wake up and last thing before I go to sleep?”

“I want you too.” Our lips grazed when I spoke. “I feel you… Down to the marrow of my bones, I feel you, this rightness I didn’t even know I was missing. Like a part of me was waiting for you all along. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make it go away.”

“Because he’s your family and you love him. Because feeling like you’re enough has no age limit. We all want that.”

There was an urgency between us, this truth that if we slowed to let ourselves think, reality would come crashing in and we’d stop. But I couldn’t stop, felt like it might kill me if we did, so I turned off my brain and just…let myself have the one thing I wanted more than anything else. Him.

“You wanna mark me all up inside? Make it so everyone knows I’m yours? Because I am, Hutch. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I am.”

Hutch went straight to my head, gave me this natural high I hadn’t known I’d been missing my whole life. It was like not realizing you weren’t intact, and then suddenly you were, and the whole damn world made sense when you hadn’t known it was out of whack before.

“I want to go. You don’t have to beg.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t begging.” “Yes, you were. Please, Ryder, go out with me. Nothing is ever the same without you. The word fun doesn’t exist unless it’s about you.” “Please, Ryder, go out with me. I don’t know how I ever got out of bed each day without you.” I felt around for the pillow on the floor, then smacked him on the head with it, Ryder none the wiser until it connected.

“Well, that’s a damn shame because I’m so fucking in love with you. I’ll spend every day trying to earn you back if I have to.”

“You’re feeling awfully possessive.” “I’m not letting you go, Hutch. I’ve never had this, something so true, and now that I do, there’s no walking away for me.”

“I’m in love with Ryder,” Hutch said, and the room immediately went quiet. “Jesus, you’re like a bunch of fucking children!” Pride swelled in my chest for this man I’d fallen for. I knew how hard that had been for him to say, so I added, “We’re in love with each other.” “And I couldn’t be happier for them.” Kinsley stepped up beside me and crossed her arms, similar to what Grant was doing.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” “The sad part is, I’m not surprised. I didn’t expect anything different.” I hadn’t either, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. “What can I do?” “Just don’t go,” Hutch replied. “Just please, don’t go.” “I won’t. The only way you’re getting rid of me is if you force me away, and even then, I’ll probably stalk you. I’ll hide under your bed and in your closet—hopefully security won’t kick me out at the hospital.” He smiled. “I love you, Hutch. You’re mine. I refuse to lose you.”

Every time he smiled, I couldn’t help doing the same. It was ridiculous and cheesy, and as we went into the next song, Layla and Luke cheering louder than everyone else, for a moment I forgot to be sad. How could I be when this man smirked my way and looked at me like I somehow lit his soul on fire?

“You just earned yourself a blowjob when we get home.” Ryder chuckled. “Yes! My plan worked!” “I knew there was an ulterior motive.” “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” He kissed my temple and grabbed my hand.

Ryder opened his arms for me, and I let him hold me. My head rested on his shoulder, his fingers in my hair. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked. “Spoil me and tell me I’m pretty? Also, for the rest of our relationship, keep in mind that I’m always right.” It was the laugh we both needed,

I’d never wanted to belong to anyone the way I did with him. I growled when he broke the kiss. Ryder smirked before kneeling behind me again,

needed him in a way I’d never needed anyone or anything else,

I know you, Hutch. I feel you deep inside me, like a reflection of each other.

“I love you, Hutch. You can’t push me away. I can promise you I’m not going anywhere on my own. You are so goddamned worth loving, even if you don’t see it.” Am I? Am I really?

I’ll give you your space, and while I don’t agree with you, I accept that you’re not going tomorrow night, but I’m not leaving you. I’m not walking away from you. I’ll be back, and I’ll keep coming back, because I love you and you’re worth it.”

I watched as my ex-wife and best friend walked away with her brother, the man I loved. “Are we nervous?” Luke asked. “If she’s still mad at Hutch, I’ll tell her again how sorry he is,” Layla added. “It’ll be okay,” I told them, and for the first time, I believed it.

“Do you want to meet at my place? Raphael misses you,” Hutch said. “Because it’s been so long since he’s seen me?” I teased. “Feels like forever.” Jesus, this man. He wrecked me.

I’d spent my life pretending to be okay, pretending to be happy, and now, for the first time, I truly was.