Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

by Julie Smith

The thing about the human brain is that, when you believe something, the brain will scan the environment for any signs that the belief is true.

Self-soothing is any set of behaviours that help you to feel safe and soothed as you experience a painful emotion.

We avoid the discomfort of fear in so many ways. If you feel anxious about a social event, you may avoid it by not going. Or maybe you do go, but you drink to excess before you go. Drinking may dampen that anxiety in the moment, leaving you feeling the need to do the same at the next social event. These safety behaviours work in the same way to numb the anxiety in the moment. But they don’t help us to feel less afraid in the future. In fact, they do the opposite. They feed the anxiety for the future and we become dependent on using those safety behaviours, making life even harder.