Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

by Julie Smith

You might notice that you feel the need for more reassurance from others when your mood is low. If you don’t get that extra reassurance you might automatically assume that they are thinking negatively about you. But that is a bias, and it is quite possible that you are your worst critic.

The musts and shoulds are heavily tied up with perfectionism. For example, if you feel you must never fail, you are setting yourself up for a rollercoaster of emotions and a struggle with mood when you make a mistake or encounter a setback. We can strive for success and accept failures along the way. But when we set ourselves unrealistic expectations, we become trapped by them. That means we suffer whenever there is any sign that we may not be living up to them.

If we can acknowledge that each of our thoughts presents just one possible idea among many, then we open ourselves up to the possibility of considering others.