A Thousand Heartbeats

by Kiera Cass

Nickolas and the chains of obligation felt like the absence of hope; Escalus and his faith in me felt like its full resurgence.

“You know, even in places that are dark, even in the midst of war, sometimes, people find light in each other.”

“It was the last thing your mother said before she died.”

Holy sh*t..

The corner of his lips lifted into a trace of a smile.

“You have exposed us! Your father at least was alone. As was our man who abducted their queen. You took a team and brought her to my castle! You have given away our position and our numbers in one spectacular moment of idiocy! It’s possible that all our efforts are for naught now. Do you want to get your land back or not, son?”

I clenched my fist. In my periphery I saw my mother sit upright on her seat, knowing Kawan had gone too far. “I am not your son,” I muttered, my icy glare digging into his. “I will be your soldier. I will be the hands that get bloody so yours don’t. I will be the leader of whatever mission you choose. But I will never, ever be your son.”

“It’s funny. You say everything is yours. When will the work be yours? I’m the one who keeps your army in line. I was the only one with enough guts to kill a queen. I’d love to know how you can possibly claim anything here as yours.”

“My pet,

STOP CALLING HER MY PET! GOD!

I turned slowly, staring at him with chilly eyes, and he was smart enough to lean away. “First of all, if you ever call me ‘my pet’ again, I will shove a fork down your throat. Second, I never agreed to put my hair up. You demanded it, and I felt I had to follow, but now more than ever, I want to look like my mother. You will not take that from me. And third, how fascinating that you still think you can tell me to do anything.”

You may take my freedom, but you will not be permitted to touch my joy.”

I scowled at my stitches. “After what happened, I don’t see Father letting me go anywhere for a while. If ever.” Lennox would love to know that he’d ruined my life in more ways than one.

WHAT?!

I also wondered why they bothered finding her a partner before him. Wouldn’t his choice in spouse be much more important than hers?

My thoughts on paper after about 200 pages XD

She was wearing Annika’s dress.

No he didn't.. :O

I walked out of the castle an orphan.

“Love has a sound. It sounds like a thousand heartbeats happening at the same time. It sounds like the rush of a waterfall or the still of the world at daybreak. You can hear it at night, lulling you to sleep, and, in the middle of your darkest days, it breaks through like a laugh. “The thing is, some of us have been taught to listen for it, so when it comes, it’s all too easy to hear over the noise. For others, there are too many other sounds drowning it out. For them, it takes longer. But when it finally breaks through, it’s a symphony.”

Her shoulder was brushing up against mine. And there it was again, the wish that I could simply embrace her. She turned her head, and I realized our faces were very close. I felt some long-dormant instinct wake up in me. I could kiss her if I wanted. I could lower my lips a few inches, and I felt sure she would welcome it. It would be so easy that refraining from it almost felt wrong. But I held back all the same.

“I’ve never been a part of anything like this,” Rami whispered. I smirked. “Welcome to the rebellion.”

He cupped her face in his hand as if she were breakable and balancing on a precipice. “But I am also no fool. I will make my way back to you. No man—no army—could stop me.” She let out a ragged breath, and Escalus bent down and kissed her.

It had been fascinating to watch how love chipped the jagged edges from someone, made them sharper in some ways and softer in others. It left me, for the first time, awed by the prospect. Love was complicated. Complicated, but so unexpectedly beautiful.

I pushed myself up to my knees, desperate to keep moving, when suddenly a hand wrapped around my arm. “Come on!” Lennox shouted, pulling me from the dirt and dragging me toward the cave.

WHAT!?

I told myself that the noise I’d heard had been the rain. It was something hitting the mountain, or a tree falling, or anything else really. It would have made perfect sense considering the situation we were in. But every time Lennox smiled or touched me or even looked at me a certain way, I would hear it again. The sound of a thousand heartbeats.

But what was louder than all of that was the painful certainty that I’d finally felt the love I’d read about in hundreds of books, the overwhelming and crushing weight of true love. And it was attached to the one person I could never have.

It was then that I realized I was on the edge of wanting something I could not have. I wanted Annika. I wanted her as my own. I wanted her to look at me, and, even with all the horrible things I’d done, find someone she wanted to be with, too. My vague disdain for Nickolas was instantly clear. He didn’t want to stand next to her with his head high, deserving her. But I did.

“I love you. In spite of all that’s happened, and regardless of what comes next. I am hopelessly yours.”

I nodded. “In Kadier, he’s my only choice.” I looked to the ground, finding myself wildly jealous. “You have someone waiting for you, too.”

Nooooo :'(

Wordlessly, a lifetime’s worth of conversations were happening. While I kept hearing heartbeat upon heartbeat, I wondered if he could hear every fiber of my body screaming that I loved him.

His lip trembled like he might cry. Before he could, I moved in, kissing him. I threw my arms over his shoulders, keeping him close. If his laughter brought on a thousand heartbeats at once, this kiss was a thousand goodbyes.

WHY IS IT S SAD?!

But looking away from Annika? Walking away from Annika? That felt more like dying than living.

For how could they have known that they were doing the exact same thing—holding on to the tiny pieces they had of one another and wishing desperately that the other was by their side?

I watched in horror as he lifted a gray animal from the ground. No. No. “By the way,” he started, “we don’t have pets here.” He held up my little gray fox, and I had to push aside every impulse in my body to tackle him. “Thank you for my supper.” He turned again, sauntering away, knowing I wouldn’t follow.

NO...!? :O

“I’ve never left your side!” she raged. “I always believed in you and supported you. I saw the worst of you and didn’t flinch. And now, when we are on the edge of getting everything you worked for, you’re abandoning it for a girl who will destroy your life?” I shook my head, steadying my tone. “That’s the thing, Blythe. If I stay, Kawan will keep me as his dog. And if I kill him and try to lead our people, I will have to fight my whole life to hold on to that power. I can’t. That part of me is dead, and I want to live. Even if it’s short, even if it’s painful. I want to live freely.”

“I’m marrying Noemi,”

YES!!

She froze where she was, speechless, and even from across the room, I could see the tears in her eyes. I tossed the apple across the room, and she caught it easily. “Will you ever stop surprising me?” she asked. “I hope not.” “I have so much to tell you,” she whispered. I shook my head. “Unless it’s to tell me that you love me a thousand times, it can wait.”

*feets kicking the air*

“I met you when we were children. I found you when you ran away. I held you through a hurricane. Nothing can separate me from you.”

HAAAAAA!!

He sounded so certain that I believed him. And I finally, truly slept.

Why does it sounds so negative...?

Personally? I’d throw a festival. But I don’t currently have the funds.

“You may see yourself out,” she instructed. “And as for what happens if I don’t marry you? I’ll marry someone else. Someone who loves me; someone who wants me.” Someone conveniently hidden under her bed.

I understand now what love can do to you. And I understand what grief can do. Because grief is simply love with no one to receive it.

I rounded on him, smirking. “Are you still underestimating me, Lennox Au Sucrit?”

Omg! Why is it sexy when she say his full name?!

He would never consider their needs. I could see it now as clearly as a sunrise. Nickolas had always been a straight line, pointed like an arrow. And his attention was always aimed toward himself.

It's about time you see it X'D

I shook my head. “You need a new hobby.”

XD

She turned away, moving back to her papers. “Don’t listen to him. I absolutely adore the sound of it. Had I the liberty, I’d make it my own.”

“And the prince is missing,” he finished.

Oh sh*t..

I am off to marry Noemi.

YESS!!

As king of Kadier, I hereby bequeath the title to you. Long live Queen Annika of Kadier, the fairest and gentlest ruler our kingdom has ever seen.

I HAVE CHILLS!!

“I told you, Annika. I told you long ago. You’ve always been mine. No one has loved you better.”

Sh*t..

“I’m not opposed,” Inigo said calmly. I had to work very hard not to laugh.

I laugh XD

His eyes were wild, and I was so angry that he’d throw such an accusation at me after starting the fire himself and standing by as it grew that I let the books drop, the chain linked around my arm. I pulled back and swung, aiming for his head. The books, as they always had, served me well, and Rhett dropped to the floor.

“Oh, I’m very much alive.”

YES GIRL!!

“I must say, for someone so determined to take over a crown, you have the manners of a dog.”