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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Amo Jones
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October 13 - October 16, 2022
“How the fuck are you all so chill about this? That girl should not be back there. It’s like sending a junkie back into a crack house. She’s going to relapse.” “But you knew she got better, which means you knew her before she came here…” King muses out loud, before finally turning to face me, his eyes narrowed. “Talk.” I flick my tongue over my front teeth, chuckling. “I’m not doing this.” Kyrin storms into the kitchen, banging the wall with his fist. “Yes, the fuck you are.”
I know that I need to hold on. In the back of my mind, I’m trying. But the thought is like grasping a ghost—poof, it evaporates as soon as I reach for it.
I needed to make sure you were okay, only to see you comfortable with Kiznitch! And a King!” I smile at her, but it flashes my teeth, and everyone who knows me knows that if I smile this wide, I’m not that happy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He gave me back.
“You know if they come here, it’s a problem for me.” “I know.” I turn to face her, raising my hand up to her cheek. “By the way, your sister is a massive fucking bitch.” Bear’s dark green eyes flash with pain before settling on my chest. “I can’t see her, or them, or…” A curse leaves her lips in a whisper. “…him.” Bear is difficult, to say the least.
With a punch to my gut, I was flying out the door with the red alert alarms signaling, and then it was done. I was falling to the angry ocean below, right in the middle of a whirlpool.
I died that day. Well, at least I thought I did. I sank, then the ocean spat me back out as if not even she wanted me. I swam to the emergency metal ladder on the side of the base and sat for hours, freezing my heart and soul out. Literally. I would never feel anything again.
“First of all, puppet, I’m not a fucking psychopath. Don’t insult those who do suffer with the mental health condition. I am created, not born this way.” I glare at her. “Which is much worse because I’m not this way through hereditary, I’m this way by choice.”
The doors separated and I knew then I wanted to die.
I kept my eyes in front of myself. Dead. Emotionless. What did it mean to feel happy? Sad? Scared? I couldn’t remember, but I knew that I once knew…
I didn’t feel anything after that.
I knew you wouldn’t be enough to get him here. You’re good” —his eyes fall up and down my body—“but you’re not that good, and because of the fact it was him who dropped you right back into my lap, I doubt he would give a fuck about rescuing you.”
“Because her biological dad took her.” “She’s also with Lilith, so she will be fine,” Eli adds quietly.
Here’s a little story time. I’ve known her a lot longer than any of you. How, you ask? Well, Mom—wanna tell Dad?” Eli shakes his head. “It’s more than that, and I’ve known her for a little while, too. Actually, more than known…”
In fact, had your lovely brother taken a second to ask me, I would have told him—” “—what?” Cartier asks, and I stand, taking a good look at her. “That you weren’t really working for Patience, the same organization that has raised you since you were a child?” “Yes, Cartier, that’s exactly what I would have told him, because these fucking people have fucked with my head all of my life. I didn’t lose my humanity, they stole it.”
It’s not who made me feel, it’s the fact I could finally feel something.”
“I’m Bear.” My voice is clothed in perfect disguise, as if I really were her. “Sorry,” the office girl stutters. “State your birth name.” My eyes land on Cartier. “Dove Noctum Hendry.” Cartier’s face pales as she turns her body completely toward me.
“Are you fucking kidding me? She is dead!” I didn’t know you could whisper and yell at the same time until just now. “No,” I say, pulling the pistol out of my lace panties. Thankfully, my robe manages to stay on despite the tie being delicately wrapped around the neck of the corpse downstairs. “She’s not—” I check the chamber before glaring back at her. “And she is not the same person you all know. Literally. So don’t even try to spew your bullshit.”
“I’m going to be even more bold and say that you’re not going to kill me, and they’re not either.” I cock both guns and point them at his chest. Wriggling my brows, I nudge my head. “Sure about that? Gotta say, you should know I’m not the kind of person you should ever make assumptions about, Kij. I’ve got a lot of pent-up anger and frustration.” I lean forward, crossing my legs. “I will kill you today.” “—no.” My body turns frigid. “—you won’t.” Kij leans back against the wall, a carefree look spread over his face.
“You can’t stop me from killing him.” I lean farther into his space, even though it fucking pains me to do it. “You don’t know what he has done to me.”
“I told you, I have—” I notice the exact moment Kyrin knows he fucked up. Unfortunately, it’s a second after I have squeezed the trigger, all while keeping my eyes planted on Kyrin’s face with a smile. Pop!
“Lilith, you—I swear to fucking God.” “Can someone tell me what the fuck is happening, and why me killing the person who single-handedly ruined my entire life—among others—is such a fucking disappointment to you all? Hmmm?”
“Why was he so sure that he and Cartier would walk out of here alive?” Kyrin’s fingers are on my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “He knew because Cartier is his daughter, Lilith. My mom told us everything. He had planned this for a long fucking time. He knew she would be untouchable because she’s my sister—half Kiznitch, half Patience, so when we came, we wouldn’t kill her. She would take over Patience after he would have brainwashed her, he had hoped.” “Fuck you!” Cartier spits on the ground. “I am Kiznitch as fuck.”
“You want to tell her, or should I?” he calls out to who I’m guessing is Eli, while keeping his eyes locked on mine. Just mine. “I can’t,” Eli chokes through broken syllables.
I move myself onto the seat opposite the both of them, reaching for the knife that’s tucked into the holster around my thigh. Only it’s gone. Fuck! Kyrin’s eyes fall to my thigh. “As much as the whole outfit turned me on, I couldn’t have you cut happy when you woke up. Your aim is way too fucking good.”
You gave me back to them—” “—I gave you back because I thought you wanted to go back. Because I thought you were working against us, an enemy in our field.” “Ah, so you’re admitting you were wrong?” Eli adds softly, his signature playfulness light on the tip of his tongue. “Shut up. Both of you.”
“My friend Bear.” Silence. “The girl who was dancing at the bar that night? With the mask on? That same Bear?” Keaton again, now sounding interested.
“You’re a bitch.” “I know, but I’m also your mother. Which I don’t mind telling you right now, since you won’t remember anything.” I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling. I was in the godforsaken cell again. “I knew that.” “Oh?” she murmured. “What gave it away?” I didn’t blink. “Your cold heart.”
How could he fucking put me back there? Even if he did think that was something I wanted, how could he possibly think that, knowing what Patience does? I can never forgive him. I know that right here and now.
Kian carries on. “I take it Kyrin hasn’t played a game of Sixers with you yet, so you won’t understand my reference, but your mother was my Ace.”
“Killian and Saskia, Pers and King…” I wait for more. He clenches his jaw. “Love, Lilith. He loved her, but more than that, they both had the pleasure of our ancestral curse that we all like to play with every time we like someone enough to be interested in them. Which, by the way, I still think is bullshit.”
“I’ve not been hurt—” I take a long swig, resting the liquid in my mouth until it burns before swallowing. “Until now.”
“Read this. Everything you need to know is in it.” She began walking away as I opened it out, flicking through the pages. I saw Lilith straight away, the hot mess she was. You couldn’t just call someone like Lilith Patience beautiful. You had to first explain how she tore it straight from Lucifer’s chest to get it. “What the fuck is this?” “You’re a King, aren’t you?” She smirked over her shoulder, opening the door. “Riddles are your thing. You’ll figure it out.” She was driving down the driveway before I could stop her.
Because even among all of this, I still want to fucking eat him. Or let him eat me. Whatever works. Though I’m pretty sure we’ll kill each other figuring it out.
“The riddles and tricks. That’s a King thing. It’s how you guys torment the girls you like, isn’t it?” “Pshhh.” I put out my smoke. “Yeah, but this is different.”
I own both of you.” He breathes out a sigh, and all of my muscles that were tense since he walked in here release. “But I fucked up, and you and I both know she’s not going to let this go lightly.
“And what happens then, hmm?” I know I’m pushing it, but what can I say, I like the way his eyes twitch when I piss him off. “To us?” “How much clearer do you need me to be? You’re both mine. That won’t change.” “I live in a different world, Ky. We couldn’t have chosen a more fucked-up throuple if we tried.” “We didn’t. That’s the fucking frustrating part.”
“I want this. You. Her. Whatever the fuck I need to make this happen.”
“We’ll handle our Little Devil.” I chuckle, shaking my head while stepping out of his grip. “Yeah?” My tone is high-pitched, laced with disbelief. “I’m pretty sure she’s not going to make this easy on either of us.” Kyrin chuckles, but lowers himself down onto the bed, his smile falling. “I fucked up, E. Bad. She should have been able to trust me, but I was so caught up in thinking she was there for Patience that I never thought she needed to be here to run from them.” He brings his eyes up to mine. “This isn’t going to be easy.” “You’re right. It’s not, but she wouldn’t be Lilith if she was.”
The Dolls are Patience’s ultimate weapon. Now I don’t know where they all are… I can fight. Better than most, trained by the best, but so are they.
“What are you doing?” “I’m doing exactly what you want.” “Oh, and how do you know this is what I want?” I ask, eyes narrowed. “The last I checked, assuming you know what I want is exactly what put me in the current issue I’m in.” I go to sidestep away from him, but his hand is on my arm, holding me to my spot. “Lilith, if you think I’m going to let you go, then you don’t know me at all.”
I hear deep chuckling and my eyes fly up to Eli, who is hiding behind a smile. “I will punch you.” Eli’s grinning stops, his hand moving from his mouth. High cheekbones, soft lips, and sharp features. So beautiful. Too beautiful. “Good. Can you do it while riding my dick?”
“Relax.” Eli bites on the nape of my neck as Kyrin slowly jerks his cock inside of me while sucking on my other nipple. “Good girl.”
“I can’t fucking have any of this shit falling back on Cartier.” There it is. I keep my eyes on his, sucking down a deep inhale of smoke. “And why’s that, Keats?” There have been three times in my life where I’ve seen a similar reaction between Keaton and Cartier. I’m not fucking stupid, but I am murderous.
They both think I’m fucking stupid and that I haven’t seen how they are around each other, or the way Keaton refuses to fuck with any other girl when Cartier is around. I’ve watched her go through boyfriends and Keaton sit back and watch in the corner, like a hungry wolf waiting for his time to pounce. I wanted him to at one point, just so I could break his fucking jaw.
“We’re not using her as bait, just saying,” I say the words that I fucking know everyone is thinking. “Kyrin, don’t be silly. Why would we use your sister as bait?” my mother asks incredulously. I pin both of my parents with a glare. “—or her.”
“We aren’t just performers with the show.” My eyes narrow and I take a step toward her, but Eli pulls me back. Motherfucker. “We’re military trained. Combat, weapons, endurance—you name it and we’ve been through it.” “That’s why you only had two guards?” Kauis asks, and I watch as his eyes light. “Yes,” Lilith says. “Because we were his weapon. Their ultimate weapon.”
“Who was she?” Kauis asks, and I see the moment she freezes. Her shoulders stay stiff, her mouth closing tight. “I don’t believe that’s my secret to tell, with all due respect.” Kauis leans forward, and I watch as Kohen shifts out of the shadows from where he’s standing. A top hat sits on his head, with his signature makeup smudged beneath his eyes. I can almost feel the vibration of his body pulse around the room. That and the tension from Lilith. “Who is Bear, Lilith?” Lilith finally breaks eye contact with Kauis and lands right on Kohen. “Dove. Dove Noctum Hendry.”
Dove never spoke of Perse. There was an underlying hatred there for Perse, I think, that came from something dark and toxic. I don’t know what Perse did or her story, but I’m guessing whatever it was Dove wanted revenge on it. Me telling them this wouldn’t jeopardize Dove, though. She always told me that if I ever needed to, I could come forward and expose her secret, that she would be ready for them if they came for her—which she knew they would.
If anything, I want you all to help me find her. She was my best friend. We were dependent on each other in a way that was toxic. I needed her as much as she needed me, and sorry to break it to you, Kingston, but I’m guessing there are things that Perse probably hasn’t been honest with you about either.”