The Darkest Child

by Delores Phillips

thought she was beautiful, despite my acquaintance with the demon that hibernated beneath her elegant surface.

loved her with all my heart, but if she did not die by Monday morning, I was determined to discover from the pages of my schoolbooks, how to break the chains that bound me to my mother.

We all begin to move, fetching water, tearing bandages, pouring our love onto a wound that will never heal. We work as a silent, defeated army, beaten down by our mother, tending our wounded. We do not retaliate for our victory is inconceivable.

I wondered that day if I was the only one in the room who knew that there was something terribly wrong with our mother.

That was the mother that faded in and out of my memory as I reeled in and out of consciousness.The more I tried to hold onto her, the more my head throbbed. Finally, I had to let her

I was glad when the holidays were over and we were back in school where I felt secure in my surroundings, where Mr.Pace chal- lenged me, gave me hope, and made me dream, but I also wanted to tell him not to expect too much or he might be disappointed.

It would not matter what the white students did or said to me, I would endure. If there was one thing certain about my mother’s children, it was our resilience.

“Why did you come back here, Wallace? You were free.”

stove.Then he said, “Mama came to get me. She found out where I was and she came over there. It was awful, Tan. Mama sat honking her horn in front of Grandma’s house.Mr.

“Mama started screaming, ‘Get away from me! You get away from me.’ But Grandma didn’t stop. She dipped her fingers in the water and sprinkled it on Mama.‘This here holy water, Rozelle, ’ Grandma said, and Mama fell to the ground, screaming, while Grandma sprinkled that water on her head.Tan, you shoulda seen how Mama was trying to get away, and it wasn’t nothing but water.”

She thought she had taken care of my fear years ago. But it had slowly grown back.

“Martha Jean’s even jealous about Skeeter,” Velman said. “It don’t make no sense the way her and Miss Shirley be going at it. That woman trying to like my uncle but my wife don’t want her over here. Skeeter thinks it’s funny, but Miss Shirley don’t think it’s funny one bit.”

“She’s probably gon’ eat something else, ”Velman said.“I thought Miss Rosie was making fun back when she first said Martha Jean was gon’ have a baby. How she know that, you reckon? I hadn’t seen no difference in her back then, but I took her on over to Dr. Mathis, and that’s what he said, too. It scares me, little sister. I don’t know if I’m ready for

She settled on Velman’s lap as if that was the only place in the room to sit, and he shifted on the chair and supported her back with his arm. He flicked his tongue and stole a crumb from the corner of her mouth, and she buried her face against his neck while he stroked her abdomen. It was an intimacy that negated all existence beyond that chair, and I felt an intruder.