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“Because I want to hold your hand,” he said with a confident look on his face. “And maybe kiss you,” he wagged his eyebrows at me. “And I’ve wanted to ask you out for a long time,” he smiled.
“I had a really great time, Juju. Wanna grab donuts with me and the boys after practice today? They wanna meet my girl. And don’t worry about the damn bus. I’ll be giving you a ride.”
“Kevin definitely wasn’t, I knew that at the start. I shouldn’t have ever married him. It was kind of forced on me and at the time I was practically a space cadet. I kind of blacked out of life,” I snorted.
You had a place to put your anger I suppose. But now you’re kinda just an angry shell that moves through the day. And you need to fix it. You can’t keep going like this… you’re going to waste your life being stuck in this fog.”
“Were you crying?” he asked quietly. I felt sheepish then and looked away. “It’s Canyon’s first day back at school,” I offered lamely, feeling my cheeks heat up. “I guess I’m just one of those crazy moms,” I tried to joke and roll my eyes, but it came out flat. He abruptly stepped toward me, making me flinch, before pulling me into a hug. It felt so comforting that I nearly cried. His hug felt the exact same as it had for so many years. His chest was so broad and warm. But it didn’t last. He turned rigid and awkwardly pulled back.
“I was there.” I clenched my jaw and shut my eyes. “I was outside that hospital dry heaving on the grass and crying because your grandfather had me banned from the hospital. I was there every day, Jules. Until you left. Then you were completely gone.” I paused, not knowing if I should continue. “You know why I can’t play anymore?”
“I hated you, Grey. I truly hated you. You had no right. No right to take everything from me and say all that you did when everything we had was so empty. I was shattered when you left me. Is that what you wanted to hear? I was content on starting over and forgetting the past, but that’s the truth Grey. I hated you and the fact that you could say you loved me so often but then just forget about me and leave. What was I supposed to think?” she snapped.
“I never. Julianna. You have got to believe me. I never in a million years would have sent you that. I just asked you to move with me! I was in love with you!”
“Girl,” Paige looked at me seriously, “that boy would still walk through fire for you.”
“So Coach, what was it like playing for the Caps? Me and mom watched a ton of your games, but the Caps were our favorites. We think you played best there. We went once!” I inwardly groaned. Him knowing we followed his career made me feel self-conscious, but Grey’s face lit up like hearing that made his day.
“I’m so proud of you,” I heard her say quietly. I felt my chest swell a little in consolation.
“I still love you,” he choked out. Tears were in the corner of his eyes. In all the years that we were together, I’d never seen him cry before. “I never stopped. I don’t even care if that’s not how you feel, I want you to know Julianna.”
“My heart has always been yours, Greyson. For a while I didn’t know if I was afraid to love someone else or if I just gave you all I had,” I told him. “But I think once you love someone so fully, the way I loved you, you can’t just stop loving or turn it off. It doesn’t just go away. I think everyone you love forever carries a little of your love with them. And I didn’t hold back with you. I gave you my whole heart.
“I don’t know how that happened Jules. I keep reliving it. I have been for the past nine years. I tried so hard to see you after the accident and then I went back to your house and
everything was gone. It was like you turned into a ghost. I called like crazy – no response. I had no clue where the hell in the world you were. I figured if you wanted to be with me, you’d find me. It’s not like I was that hard to find.” His chest was rising and falling quickly.
“I love your mom. I am completely and absolutely in love with Julianna Louise Hurley and I have been since I was 16,” he told him matter of factly.
She wasn’t here again. I couldn’t go through this. Not again. I brought my hands up to my head and closed my eyes. I wished I’d been hit harder because I didn’t want to remember her and not have her. I didn’t want to live alone again. “Get out,” I grunted without looking at them. They didn’t budge. “Get! Out!” I yelled and then cringed, closing my eyes against the pounding in my head.
“Don’t worry, he just thought you guys didn’t come,” Paige said with a warning look at me.
