IN SCHOOL I MISBEHAVED around female teachers—out of fear that I’d disappoint them the way I must’ve disappointed my mom. And I must have disappointed her. I must be defective. Otherwise, why would she have left? All I could think was I did something bad to make her leave. So I acted bad around teachers to keep from getting close to them. That way I’d never get hurt again. I’ll be bad first. I’ll leave you first. I could be in control and they wouldn’t surprise me by leaving. I would disappoint them first. I expected them to leave. And that continued all through grade school. I didn’t get
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