Hello, Molly!: A Memoir

by Molly Shannon

Later that school year I tripped and fell by the entrance to my classroom where we hung up our coats. A nail hit my knee and I wailed. As I was crying on the ground, all that I had been through suddenly hit me. I cried for a very long time, for everything that had happened to me up to that point.

He felt that a combination of social ability, street smarts, understanding how to make a buck, asking people questions, being charming, and showing an interest in others would get you a lot further in life than academic achievement.

Terry taught sense memory, which was a popular acting technique. During what she called a “private moment” exercise in class, she asked students to get up and recall an emotional, personal experience from childhood. The exercise was designed to help actors feel they were in private while in a public space—to shed the self-consciousness that sometimes inhibits an actor’s performance. For the exercise, we had to be very detailed and specific in reconstructing our memories, answering all sorts of questions for Terry. She gave us ten minutes to “experience the space” and then she asked us detailed questions.

Struggle itself is meaningful. You never know where anything is going to go. You don’t know. I didn’t know if I would ever make it. But I have a positive attitude and I think people always see that in me.

Maybe you’re not right for this part but they’ll remember you later for something else. You never know. Just think, Hey, I get to meet this person. Look at it as laying down your groundwork. Building your relationships. Maintaining your relationships. Hollywood is so small, it’s like a high school. The town can seem so overwhelming at first. Geographically it’s giant and spread out. But people are all connected. Everybody knows everybody. You always have to hustle no matter what level you’re at, so you might as well enjoy where you are and not compare.

Wait a minute, you are scared? Well, in that case, I better just enjoy where I am, because if you’re scared, then we are all fucked.

And then it’s important to go to the people who love you and who want to work with you as opposed to trying to convince people who don’t. If there’s some obstacle, maybe there’s a reason for it. I always look at stuff that way. No matter how far you’ve come, what level of success you’ve achieved, you’re always going to have to get to the next place, so you might as well enjoy where you are. Be creative and enjoy your work. Just enjoy the process.

But I try hard to enjoy life . . . on earth . . . as an artist. It makes me feel good when people come up to me and say, “You make me so happy. You make us laugh.” That’s what it’s all about. Making people feel good. It’s not about yourself. I like to think about what movies and storytelling do for people. And how you can make people forget their troubles. I like the extension of myself. You can show an audience how a character is feeling—they are with you—and then maybe they can understand a part of themselves through the character or performance. In

I had a fear that everything was going to blow up the way it had when I was little. I was afraid that anything good was not going to last:

I don’t like it when performers act like they are making fun of their characters. I believe that even with comedy you should still play the emotional truth of what your character wants, and who they are, because it anchors the comedy and gives it an emotional depth that makes the comedy stronger, richer. I treat the comedy the same way I would treat a serious dramatic performance.

Then they’re shivering. They want fuzzy blankets. They need warm beverages and boyfriends. They are needy. Their boyfriends need to remind them to eat. They might even faint to get attention. We didn’t get to be needy. We had to be tough. So we didn’t like girls like that: baby girls.

And when you are living in an atmosphere of daily, ever-present guilt, what does that do to children? It changes their souls.

A friend at SNL talked to me a lot about dating. She was this beautiful Jewish girl giving a Catholic girl dating advice. She said, “Look, it’s a business, you know?” And I thought, Really? “Basically, you have to go on a lot of dates. Go to everything you’re invited to; if you’re invited to a party and you don’t want to go, just go. Scout, scout, scout, scout, scout. For twenty minutes. Look and see if there’s somebody cute. Just have half a glass of wine. Don’t get yourself dehydrated. When you meet a guy and give him your number, if he calls back fast and knows when to transition from just drinks to a nice dinner, that’s a good sign. If he can’t show up in a reliable way during the fun part when things are easy, he’s out. If he gets slippery within three to five dates, he’s out. Those are the avoidant detached types—get out.”

Do you think of me very often? You are on my mind every minute of the day. I say to myself, “I wonder what my ‘wootsie’s’ doing.” Then I think, oh, he’s probably so homesick for me. Then again I think—I don’t know—maybe, he’s not even thinking about me. For a moment I’ll get very generous and think—well just as long as he’s happy—that’s all that counts. Then again, in my more selfish moments I’ll say to myself, “I hope he’s not having too good a time. What it all boils down to is that I really want the best of happiness and good luck for you but in the process I don’t want you to love me less or take me for granted. I don’t think I could ever take you for granted. Well, anyhow, good night, I’ve been talking in circles. Instead, I’ll be square with you and tell you how much I deeply love you. . . . Goodnight, nice boy.

God is love. God is nature. God is the sun, the moon and the stars and all the planets and the outer universe. God is more than our feeble brain could ever conceive. God is the light.