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It was something else that held her back from surrendering herself to the most notorious and soul-sucking circle of hell (i.e., a Ph.D. program).
Karl Drinkwater liked this
All Ph.D. students were like that: thinking they were better than everyone else just because they had the dubious privilege of slaughtering fruit flies in the name of science for ninety cents an hour.
Academia’s a lot of bucks for very little bang. What matters is whether your reason to be in academia is good enough.
She didn’t want weekends, or a decent salary. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to be less lonely. But since that was impossible, she’d settle for fixing what she could.
had called her by her name.
found themselves having to write down made-up names and phone numbers on their emergency contact forms.
it had been love at first sight.
but Anh . . . Anh was her person. Family. Olive hadn’t even thought that was possible for someone like her.
large, warm weight suddenly steadying her, a firm but barely there pressure applied to the center of her lower back, was Carlsen’s hand. About two inches above her ass.
Before the sense of inadequacy, before the constant fear that even if she was good at research, she might never be able to truly make it as an academic.
Oof this hurts
who heard it from Anh—”
WHY WOULD ANH DO THAT
I understand why Anh would tell Jeremy—I mean, getting those two together was the whole point of this charade—but . . . Why would Jeremy tell anyone?”
I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WOULD DO THAT
“Because that sounds credible,”
Sounds like she’d take care of letting everyone else know.” “Okay, first of all, it was Jeremy. Let’s agree to blame Jeremy.
Both, let’s go with both
“Wouldn’t it be a problem that you’re faculty and I’m a graduate student?” He tilted his head, going serious. “It wouldn’t look great, but I don’t think so, no. Since I have no authority whatsoever over you and am not involved in your supervision. But I can ask around.”
Realistically, it’s a huge problem
When he finally let go, she had to make a conscious effort not to inspect her palm. Had he done something to her? It sure felt like it. Her flesh was tingling.
“Ol, this is breathtakingly stupid.”
Yes it is
HES GREEK? OMG YAS
Adam had placed his arm on the back of her chair. He wasn’t touching her, but there was something . . . protective about his position. He seemed to generate large amounts of heat, which was not at all unwelcome. It helped melt the yucky feeling the conversation with Tom had left behind.
Malcolm and Anh, but they’re great at keeping secrets, they’d never—” His eyebrow rose. Olive winced. “I will make them keep this secret. I swear.”
Plus, Adam was a professor, which meant that he was older and all that. Thirtysomething. He did look fit, but he probably had a bum knee and was only a few years short of osteoporosis.
What
“it’d be great if you could do me a solid and sit on your boyfriend’s lap, Ol. Just so I don’t have to stand on my toes?”
NO THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE OMG
prohibitively expensive registration, travel, and lodgings
Omg right?! It’s ridiculous
Pushing. His shoulders and biceps strained his Henley. The firm muscles of his upper back visibly shifted and tensed under the black fabric as he bent forward and rolled several tons of truck across . . . quite a bit of a distance and into the closest empty parking space. Oh.
Um, DADDY
Adam’s head was bent forward, black hair covering his forehead as he wiped the sweat from his eyes with the hem of his shirt. It left a broad strip of flesh visible on his torso, and—it was nothing indecent, really, nothing unusual, just some fit guy’s midriff, but for some reason Olive couldn’t help staring at Adam Carlsen’s uncovered skin like it was a slab of Italian marble, and—
was a kiss, but barely, and it certainly didn’t warrant the way her heart pounded in her chest, or the fact that there was something warm and liquid looping at the bottom of her belly. Not unpleasant, but confusing and a bit scary nonetheless, and it had Olive pull back after only a second.
cheekbones dusted with red and chest moving up and down in shallow breaths.
the paper I need is behind a paywall; I had a meeting with my supervisor and accidentally called her “Mom.”
found herself in an all-male lab, which was . . . a less-than-ideal environment.
Grad school was a mistake, but now it’s too late to back out of it because my self-worth is unbreakably tied to my academic performance, and what would even be left of me if I decided to drop out?
This is a personal attack
“You’re his girlfriend.” “I . . .” Really am not. But. Even if she had been. “Greg, I’m only dating him. I am not him. How would I have anything to do with—” “You’re fine with all of this. With him acting like that—like an asshole on a power trip. You don’t give a shit about the way he treats everyone in the program, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to stomach being with him.” At his tone, she took a step back. Chase lifted his hands in a peacekeeping gesture, coming to stand between them. “Hey, now. Let’s not—” “I’m not the one who failed you, Greg.” “Maybe. But you don’t care that half of the
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THIS IS WHY PROFESSOR AND PHD RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT HAPPEN well one of the reasons
Being horrible to me isn’t going to make his thesis work go any faster, she didn’t add.
“Hey, Dr. Carlsen! Have you put on sunscreen yet?”
Anh what are you doing.
“It would be highly inappropriate.” “Why?” Anh blinked at her innocently. “I put sunscreen on Jeremy all the time. Look”—she squirted lotion on her hand and haphazardly slapped it across Jeremy’s face— “I am putting sunscreen on my boyfriend. Because I don’t want him to get melanoma. Am I ‘inappropriate’?”
Seriously? FOR SOMEONE SO SMART SHE IS AN ACTUAL IDIOT
that Adam was faculty and Olive was very much not. Worlds apart, really.
EXACTLY
voice was pitched low enough that Jeremy couldn’t possibly have heard her. Maybe Adam hadn’t, either. Except that he paused for a moment. And then, when he walked past her, she had the impression of knuckles brushing against the back of her hand.
The more I mention an attachment in an email, the less likely I will be to actually include said attachment.
they made their way across the quad, her fingers slid down from his wrist and closed around his palm.
They’d talked about it multiple times—how rare it was for her to experience attraction, especially sexual attraction.
Omg do we have…some ace spectrum rep?
What if Adam likes you, too? What if he wants something more?”
SOME SENSE
“Because all the people I’ve cared about are gone,”
10:00 a.m. It was ten. On a Wednesday morning. And Olive was currently sitting in the campus Starbucks, the very same Starbucks where she had spent her Wednesday mornings for the past few weeks. She whirled around and— She wasn’t even surprised to find Adam. Standing behind her. Close enough that unless both his eardrums had ruptured since the last time they’d talked, he must have heard every single word that came out of Olive’s mouth. She wished she could expire on the spot. She wished she could crawl outside her body and this café, melt in a pool of sweat, and seep between the tiles on the
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My favourite trope omg
“It wasn’t about you.” The lie rolled off her tongue like a mudslide: unpremeditated, quick, and bound to leave a huge mess behind. “I know.” He nodded, and . . . he didn’t even look surprised. It was as though it had never occurred to him that Olive might have been interested in him. It made her want to cry—a frequent state on this stupid morning—but instead of doing that, she just vomited out another lie. “I just . . . I have a thing. For a guy.”
Are you fucking serious
His grads interacted with him every day believing that he was dating one of their peers. Did they think him lecherous? Had his relationship with Olive changed their perception of him? And what about other faculty members in the department, or in adjacent programs? Just because dating a grad student was allowed, it didn’t mean that it wasn’t frowned upon.
IT IS NOT ALLOWED
Something new passed through his face, stark and a little sad. Too fleeting to interpret.
It’ll be miserable, for sure, but it’s the only way to create a good environment for women like us, Ol. Give some competition to all these entitled white men.”
“Yep. I’m so glad he finally scrounged up the courage to ask you out. He’d been going on and on about this ‘amazing girl’ for years, but he was concerned about being in the same department, and you know how he is . . .” He shrugged and waved his hand. “I’m glad he finally managed to pull his head out of his ass.”
Her heart skipped what felt like a dozen beats when Adam swept her up into a full bridal carry.
“And then I’ll come find you, and I’ll take care of you.”
Is mine a good enough reason to go to grad school? It’s the best one. All of a sudden, things had seemed simple enough. It had been Adam, after all. Olive had been right. What she hadn’t been right about was whether he remembered her. “Yes,” she said. She wasn’t smiling anymore. Adam was still holding her gaze. “I guess he has.”
