John Dies at the End (John Dies at the End, #1)

by David Wong

He wore an orange T-shirt with a black stenciled stamp bearing the logo of VISTA PINES FACILITY FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE. The last two words had been crossed out with a black Magic Marker and the words NOT INSAN were scrawled crazily over it.

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You can’t diagnose yourself with the same organ that has the disease, just like you can’t see your own eyeball. So, I suppose you just feel normal and the rest of the world seems to go crazy around you.”

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Man, I gotta focus on one thing at a time or my brain’s gonna melt and run out of my ears like strawberry jam.

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“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.”

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“Son, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.”

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“Okay, there is no possible combination of English words that would form a dumber plan than that.”

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There is no possible way this is actually happening. Well, might as well go with it.

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on the front. He said, “No. Nothing like that. Out in Vegas, we met a guy. He was a pimp. We made quite a bit of money as male whores. They used to call you Rocket Rimjob. You won the gold at the Greater Nevada Sodomy Olympics back in July, landed a bunch of endorsement deals.

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Some would have doubted their sanity at this point, but by now the part of my mind that issued doubts about my sanity had melted from overuse. I

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and drive until we find a town that doesn’t keep showing up in books with titles like True Tales of the Bizarre.

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