I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working

by Shauna Niequist

I begin by feeling the unfeelable feelings and thinking the unthinkable thoughts. Second, I forgive. I forgive the night. I forgive the people who have hurt me. I forgive the world for not being what I wanted. I forgive myself for all the ways I feel like I’m failing. Then I make space for desire: What do I want? I want healing. I want to move through the pain and leave it behind. I want lightness and freedom of spirit. Andrew, my beloved therapist, encouraged me to set aside a time every day to feel the sadness. I knew the power of the magic desk, but I forgot for a couple days, so I went back and wrote out the questions: What’s happening inside me? What’s happening around me? What might I need to learn or unlearn or face right now? Am I offering deep kindness and forgiveness toward myself, deep kindness and forgiveness for others? Am I tending lovingly to myself and others? What do I need to walk away from or walk toward? What requires my participation or voice?