I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working

by Shauna Niequist

living with a broken relationship to someone I care about so much bothers me every day. It’s like having a splinter in your heel that you feel with every step. You never forget. You’re always carrying the weight of this broken relationship. And so I began to pray for them. What I love about this pattern of prayer is that it isn’t a free-for-all, and it can’t be turned into a laundry list of what I think is right. Dear God, please help this person to see the error of their ways. Dear God, please open their eyes. Dear God, please give me patience to deal with the mess they’ve made . . . I didn’t do that. I prayed for union, that my friend will be connected and supported and that at some point I’ll be a part of that with them again. I prayed for protection—that they will be kept safe, body, spirit, heart. That nothing will cause them pain—not even me. I prayed for joy. I asked God to bring joy into their life every day—I thought about some things that they love, experiences or moments that I know would be joyful for them, and even though I won’t be a part of them, I asked God to bring those moments and experiences into their life. And then I prayed for their sanctification—that they will be brave and kind and generous, growing in tenderness and love for others and being willing to stand up for what’s right. I prayed every day for this person. I wish I could tell you that while I was praying for them, the phone rang and the silence between us was broken. Or that I opened my ey...