attitude to arguing that can be the real issue. In a healthy fight about who is tidy and who isn’t, one person might say, ‘You know what? You’re allowed to be untidy. I’m allowed to be tidy. How are we going to find a practical solution? I don’t mind you being untidy, but please don’t be unhygienic.’ And the person who leaves their coffee mugs all over the place says, ‘OK, I accept that in my office I can do that, but I promise not to leave mugs around so long that they grow mould on top.’ The distinction is that both people are working together and making compromises – there’s a devotion to
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