Every relationship – not just intimate ones – is an unconscious negotiation around that balance between ‘I’ and ‘we’. Sometimes both or one of you needs to say ‘I’. But if you’re only ever saying ‘I’, then you don’t have a relationship. On the other hand, if you’re only ever saying ‘we’, you’re enmeshed or you’re codependent. All the time you’re balancing this out, and when something big in your life changes – if you have children, for example – you have to renegotiate that again. It’s about being close, but not so close that you treat each other badly. It’s the ability to take responsibility
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