Conversations on Love: Lovers, Strangers, Parents, Friends, Endings, Beginnings

by Natasha Lunn

there are few things more serious, more important than love. A lack of it can cause so much damage. A wealth of it can heal us.

Expecting someone to fill in a hole that’s within you? That’s expecting too much of any one person. That’s not your friend’s job or your partner’s job. That’s your job.

And it makes me grateful that my life has unfolded in a way that previous generations of women could not have imagined.

Seeing these people sitting side by side, who saw all the versions of me – and I them – reminded me that we were each responsible for tiny pieces of each other’s hearts and happiness. It wasn’t only that this night made me realize life was full of different types of love, but that the capacity to love exists inside each of us – and our task is to tap into it.

Responsibility is at the root of many of the valuable lessons Susan shared: be as kind to your partner as you would to a stranger. Don’t rely on them to meet all your needs (or to make you happy). See arguments in context. Don’t expect them to put up with every flicker of emotion that you feel. Sift through your own feelings first.

Inevitably, there are some friendships that do slip away completely. In others, there might be months or years when we have to give each other space to disappear; and maybe that is a form of love too.

reaching out to the friend who is in a tougher season of their lives. This won’t just happen. We have to make it happen, with patience, effort and without ego.

True friendship is about taking it easy on each other, knowing that life has tides that take you to various places, and that you’ll find a way back to each other at different points.

The understanding that no one’s going to find a good life for you, you have to find it for yourself. You have to live it to the best of your ability, to the best of your knowledge. It’s finite. And it can either be full of your joy, or there can be no joy at all – that’s up to you.

Being judgemental of someone else’s pain seems bizarre to me. And often, judgement is just shame or jealousy in disguise.