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The past was permanent in the same way the future was always just a hypothetical, two ends of a spectrum where one was concrete and the other air, and the instantaneous now, the single real moment, was the fixed point from which the weight of life hung and swung.
“Yes,” he said in a low growl. “We do that in the same way humans do. And yes… I want you.”
“I am turned on. In my mind, my hands are on your skin, my mouth is on yours, I am on the verge of entering you.” Murhder smiled a little and then got serious again. “But no, I’m not making you feel this way. Your reaction is all your own body’s, it is every bit your free will and nothing else—and trust me, the fact that you want me of your own volition? It’s the hottest thing about you right now.”
“When do we ever know what we’re walking into,” he said in a low voice. “Destiny is not a straightaway. It’s cluttered with corners and all of them are dark. We make the turns we do… and find ourselves where we are.”
“Wipe me clean,” she heard herself say against his mouth. “Take everything away for me until I know only you. Make everything disappear… but you.”
As he stared down at her face, he felt like he was looking into a mirror at himself.
If you were loved, if you had people who cared about you, you could be by yourself and never feel alone. But if no one cared? You were isolated even in a crowd.
As she collapsed against him, she cried for the loss that was coming, and the bravery he was showing, and the fact that of all the near misses she could have had in life, why… why did hers have to be true love?
“So let’s do this one thing together. Let’s you and I see if we can save John’s life. And if I die? I will be at peace that I went out on a good deed, and you won’t remember any of the pain. You’ll be free, too. This can be our thing, our mark on this world. Even if I’m gone, and you have no memories of us, if John lives? He’s proof that you and I existed.”
“Don’t cry, my love,” he said in his accented voice. “This is a better ending than I could ever have had.”
He also reminded himself that the click fit of their bodies was momentous, but momentary. Their meeting of souls was forever.
This was the longest goodbye he’d ever had. Then again, it was going to last his lifetime.
They leaned in and met halfway, their mouths finding a kiss that shattered his soul. Then he cradled her to his chest. Of all the suffering he had ever been through, nothing compared to this.
