Despite the quiet chaos of solitary, she was coherent and sometimes even cheerful—living like she knew some secret to the universe that I could not learn. For that, I faulted myself. The truth, though, is that there is no right way to respond to torture. Experts who study solitary confinement link it to anxiety, memory problems, sleep issues, anger, and disordered thinking. Some people experience “isolation panic,” like the dark wave that swept me off my feet. Some people handle it just fine, and others deteriorate slowly. To me, it felt like unraveling—but looking back it also feels like a
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