On the ice, I suddenly had everything I needed or wanted, everything I’d worked for. But it had all come so quickly that it simply did not feel real. Every time I landed and looked down at the clean edge, it felt like a fluke, a victory I did not deserve. And it scared me. Plus, on top of the inexplicable windfall, there was this: I couldn’t feel the jumps. I was landing them, but I knew they weren’t in my muscle memory. And when it really counts—in competition—you have nothing but muscle memory.
