The Well of Lost Plots (Thursday Next, #3)

by Jasper Fforde

“Hullo!” she shouted, trotting up and offering me a hand. “I’m Mary. You must be Thursday. My goodness! What’s that?”

It's interesting that Fforde chose to re-write this meeting since the end of the last book.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, apologizing for the misrelated grammatical construction almost immediately, “Wyatt is my name, not the hat’s.”

Jokes that only work in Jasper Fforde!

He thanked me, and small, brown and furry, the man with the hat named Wyatt raised it and vanished.

At this point, however, the joke has run out of gas.

Landen

She means "Schitt," of course.

They used to be billeted en masse, but that all changed after we lodged six thousand Generics inside Rebecca. In under a month all but eight had become Mrs. Danvers.

Foreshadowing!

“Books”—Snell smiled—“are a kind of magic.”

Essentially the thesis of the entire series, and a good one at that.

“Hello, Alfred!” said Snell, shaking the man’s hand. “Thursday, this is Garcia—he

More foreshadowing!

It was a head. Or more importantly, a severed head.

More "shadowing" and not very much "fore," of course.

“How do you pronounce your name?”

One of the many reasons this series shouldn't be adapted for the screen. It's so full of jokes, to say nothing of plot points, that only work on the page.

“He says he doesn’t like you.” “I’m sorry.” “I don’t like you, either,” said the man in a threatening tone, adding, as if I needed proof, “I have the death sentence in seven genres.”

Hmmm...sounds familiar

Within a few moments I was completely alone in the corridor, with nothing to keep me company but the rapid thumping of my own heart, and a head in a bag.

Now THAT'S how you end a chapter!

I’d keep yourself to yourself and don’t make too many friends—they have a habit of dying just when you get to like them. It always happens that way. It’s a narrative thing.”

Yet more foreshadowing!

Can’t curl, but can swim— Slow-Solid, that’s him! Curls up, but can’t swim— Stickly-Prickly, that’s him!

I frankly don't seehow this rhyme would work as a mnemonic device. You could still say these lines in the wrong order.

“I can hear two Russians gossiping, right here inside my head.”

Still trying to figure out whether there's a particular joke in her hearing behind-the-scenes conversation from Anna Karenina as opposed to any other book.

“Shame there isn’t any.

My favorite Chinese restaurant closed. This line makes me very sad.

“There seem to be an awful lot of rabbits,” I observed, looking around. “Ah, yes,” replied Perkins, crossing a stone-arched bridge that spanned the small stream, “we never did get the lid on reproduction within Watership Down—if left to their own devices, the book would be so full of dandelion-munching lagomorphs that every other word would be rabbit within a year. Still, Lennie enjoys it here when he has some time off.”

Start off talking about maybe my favorite British novel and throw in a joke about a character played by Junior Chaney and you're my friend for life.

He was, I noticed, a good foot taller than the last time we had met.

Does the series ever explain why Bradshaw's height varies? I'm pretty sure it doesn't. I want an explanation, dammit!

“Look, he’s winding up the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike!”

I mean, I know Fforde swiped it from Shakespeare, but it's still a great laugh line.

Hey! I'm that area!

Xavier?”

Ohhhh...X. Libris. I get it.

“What’s a textual sieve?” “I don’t know—it’s never fully explained.”

Running joke!

“Okay,” said Aubrey Jambe, who was wearing the captain’s sweater, “Biffo is going to take the red ball from the forty-yard line over the rhododendron bushes, past the Italian sunken garden and into a close position to hoop five. Spike, you’ll take it from there and croquet their yellow—Stig will defend you. George, I want you to mark their number five. He’s a neanderthal, so you’re going to have to use any tricks you can. Smudger, you’re going to foul the duchess—when the vicar gives you the red card, I’m calling in Thursday. Yes?”

we got a Yahoo once but you might as well talk to Mrs. Bennett.

Burn!

“A little-known novel entitled The Middle of Next Week.

HAH!!!

“I’ll rephrase that—any questions I can possibly hope to answer?”

Quoted this line a few times

“This is Uriah Hope from David Copperfield;

The evolution of this character is among the best ideas Fforde ever had.

“It all started with a pimple on my bum,” said the frog.

In My Favorite Year it was a duck, of course, but this joke works no matter how you tell it.

Enid Blyton.

Hey, it turns out she was a real writer! I always thought Fforde made her up.

“Do we have a deal? Or do I put the table back where it was?” He looked shocked. “You wouldn’t.” “I would.” He considered his position for a moment and then offered me his hand. “Pigs at treble the going rate?” “Top of page two thirty-two.” “Deal.”

I always think that's such a nice resolution to this little side quest.

Conflict, for want of a better word, is good. Conflict is right. Conflict works.”

Fforde must really love Wall Street. In the series as a whole he paraphrases this famous speech several times.

“Historically speaking,” whispered the White Rabbit, “one of the best, Your Majesty.”

I'll have to consider this and decide whether it's true.

“I said, they couldn’t care. Not a great deal, given the violence in books.”

Weak

I laid her on the bed and tried to make her comfortable.

Not on the bed. She is supposed to be on the table!

I will make my peace with Pip and Estella—a far better ending for me, I think.”

And she never does make peace with Estella, either. It might have been a mistake to stop in the middle of this to read Great Expectations.

“You dance well for someone with one leg, Arnie.” “I have two legs, Thursday.”

Sort of a bitter laugh line, isn't it?

When are we going to get the Elgin marbles back?”

Get comfortable, Prometheus. You're in for a long wait.

Suddenly, a shot rang out.

This is so clever. In the real world, even if something like this was possible, it would be merely a distracting sound. Because this is fiction, however, it literally changes the story. Was Deane already on the way, and the plot device thereby fated? Or did breaking the crystal change what's been happening off-screen, so that whatever Deane had been doing vanished and was replaced by the plan to save Thursday?

Fortunately for me, Heep’s handwriting was pretty poor and Thursby from The Maltese Falcon was shot instead.

HAH!!!