The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again

by Catherine Price

embrace boredom.

doing just one thing at a time is a great way to rebuild your attention span, which likely has atrophied as a result of being bombarded by constant distractions and stimulation.

Here’s the thing, though: I actually was having fun. My wet pants clung to my thighs, rain was dripping into my eyes, and with every stroke, I worried that I would capsize again. But I wasn’t in actual danger, and when I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen if I keep rowing?” my answer was “I’ll fall into the river”—and I’d already done that. Despite my discomfort and residual anxiety, I couldn’t seem to stop laughing.

Yes, I was wet. Yes, my confidence had been shaken. But I also felt alive.

all three elements were clearly present. Even though we weren’t close enough to consider each other friends, Brian and I had a very playful connection and had spent enough time together to build a repository of inside jokes. The physical challenge of rowing—not to mention my desire not to capsize again—kept me out of my head and engaged with my body. And I unquestionably was in flow: completely absorbed and pushed to the edge of (indeed, one might say beyond) my abilities.

When I suggest that we pursue passions, interests, and hobbies, what I’m really saying is that we should do more things “for fun.” Sometimes these activities will lead to True Fun; sometimes they won’t, but they all are enjoyable and rewarding (and, in many cases, easily accessible), and thus are worth our time.

Activities that we compulsively seek out but that are ultimately unenjoyable, draining, and/or unsatisfying (think doomscrolling). These are sources of Fake Fun and obviously shouldn’t be described as things you do for fun because, well, they’re not.

Things we do to self-medicate, such as binge-watch television shows, mindlessly scroll, or consume drugs or too much alcohol. Activities that we don’t get paid for and are not enjoyable. Things we do purely for relaxation or restoration, such as taking naps or baths. These activities are likely soothing and nourishing and enjoyable (and thus worth our time), but they’re not technically things we do for fun, because they don’t typically generate playfulness, connection, or flow.

The main characteristics that distinguish our passions from our hobbies and interests are the pull we feel toward them and the amount of energy that they produce.

Interests, hobbies, and passions also foster connection by strengthening preexisting relationships and by introducing you to new people and communities.

interests, hobbies, and passions give us skills and knowledge that can help us slip into flow in more contexts—and the more we’re in flow, the more alive we will feel.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi makes this point in his seminal book on the subject, the aptly titled Flow, using the example of a chessboard. To someone who doesn’t know how to play chess, it’s just a board with a bunch of carved figurines. But for someone who has put in the effort to learn how to play the game, who has the skills and knowledge necessary to engage with it, a chessboard is an opportunity for flow (and possibly even playfulness and connection).

Interests, hobbies, and passions also make you more interested and interesting, a term I first heard from my college roommate and have been inspired by ever since. The more of them you develop, the more engaged you’ll feel in your own life—and the more you’ll have to talk about with other people.

The more solitary interests, passions, and hobbies you have (and the more accessible you make them) the easier it will be to avoid reacting to your free pockets of alone time by automatically turning to a screen—because you’ll have other things you want to do instead. These pastimes may not be likely to attract True Fun, due to the inherent difficulty of experiencing a sense of connection with another person when you’re alone. But they still are likely to be more enjoyable and rewarding—and make you more interested and interesting—than whatever else you would have done.

HOW TO IDENTIFY—AND DISCOVER—INTERESTS, HOBBIES, AND PASSIONS One of the many great things about passions, hobbies, and interests is that they are accessible.

many of us have gotten into the habit of spending most of our everyday leisure time on passive consumption, such as watching television or staring at our phones or computers. Passive consumption takes no planning. It is easy and accessible.

Our levels of stress and burnout are so high—and technology and entertainment companies have made passive consumption so easy—that we turn to it even when it is not actually what we want or need.

the following prompts can be helpful: I’m interested in learning to___________________________________________ I’m interested in learning about________________________________________ I’m curious about_______________________________

Eve Rodsky, the author of the aforementioned book Fair Play (i.e., the one I hurled into the couch in the last chapter), refers to this as “Unicorn Space,” which basically means time set aside for each person in the relationship to pursue their own individual passions. As she puts it, “Whoever you are and whatever you do, you still need time and space to engage in something outside of the work you do for money to make you come alive.” Importantly, Unicorn Space does not refer to the time you spend on passive pursuits, such as following sports or watching television. It’s time for active leisure, the things that make you interested and interesting—a term that she uses as well—and that nourish your internal flame. (It’s

Now that we’ve made space and identified possible passions, interests, and hobbies, we’re ready for the next step of SPARK: Attract fun.

Because opportunities for playfulness, connection, and flow float around us all the time; the better we are at attracting and appreciating them, the more fun our lives will be.

They’re spontaneous. They’re at ease with themselves and comfortable in their own skin. They’re not afraid to be silly. They’re not afraid to try new things and to be a beginner. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable. They’re appreciative of the small things. They find joy in being alive.

Many of the descriptions of fun people also had to do with the way the fun folks made other people feel in their presence. For example: I never feel judged by them. They make everyone feel included. They’re considerate of others’ feelings. They get excited with you. They create wonderful, shared memories. With them, there is always something to do, and they make these events as fun as possible.

ADOPT A FUN MINDSET

Be Easy-to-Laugh

appreciate the humor in everyday life.

Say “Yes, And”

“Yes, and” is the basic rule of improv comedy, and the idea is quite simple. Whenever you’re on stage with someone and they say something to you or make a pronouncement about the scene, you agree with it (i.e., say yes) no matter how crazy their suggestion might seem—and then build on it. (That’s the “and.”) For example, if you are in a scene with someone who says that their father is Santa Claus, it is not acceptable to say—as I did in our final performance—“No he’s not.” Instead, the principle of “Yes, and” means that you accept the idea that their father is Santa and propel the scene forward by adding something new. It doesn’t matter what you add, as long as it’s open-ended and builds on what they said.

Bossypants, Tina Fey—master improviser and Saturday Night Live alum—explains this much better than I can: “You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own. If I start a scene with ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you just say, ‘Yeah…’ we’re kind of at a standstill. But if I say, ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you say, ‘What did you expect? We’re in hell.’ Or if I say, ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you say, ‘Yes, this can’t be good for the wax figures.’ Or if I say, ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you say, ‘I told you we shouldn’t have crawled into this dog’s mouth,’ now we’re getting somewhere.”

use the principle of “Yes, and” to build momentum and attract fun—whether

an appreciation for the absurd. Things that are absurd are illogical and a bit ridiculous, which makes absurdity a welcome escape from our usual goal-driven approach to life.

Sprinkle In Playfulness, Connection, and Flow

“I thought, ‘How could I make pouring tea more fun?’ ” she told me in an email. “So I poured tea while standing on one leg, and you know what? It was more fun.”

The first exercise was a modified version of a positive-psychology staple called “three good things” (also known as “what went well” or “three blessings”), which has been shown to increase people’s sense of well-being and reduce depressive symptoms for up to six months in placebo-controlled studies.

Practice Presence Another related way to develop a Fun Mindset and become more of a fun person is simply to practice being present, both on your own and when you’re with other people.

making a point to pay attention to other people when you’re with them. It doesn’t matter whether they’re a family member, a friend, or a stranger: when you encounter another living, breathing human being, put your phone away and look up. Make eye contact. Smile.

the more you focus on delight, the more delights will reveal themselves to you—echoes the same philosophy we’ve been talking about throughout this book: that our lives are what we pay attention to.

On the other hand, if we train ourselves to focus on disappointments, failures, and sadness, then we will experience our lives as a series of disappointments, failures, and occasions to feel sad.

we label it. By which I mean, we point a finger at the thing in question—or, if it is not a physical “thing,” we raise a finger in the air—and announce, out loud and enthusiastically, “Delight!”

It’s a humid morning, so much so that the mere act of touch typing has left me sticky, but there is a fan blowing cool air onto my back, tickling my skin. Delight!

I’m drinking coffee from my favorite cup while eating a bowl of fresh strawberries. Delight!

the more attention you pay to the delights in your life, the more delights will reveal themselves to you.

Positive psychologists have also found that, when you’re trying to savor something, it’s helpful to engage in what they call “behavioral displays”: expressing positive emotions with nonverbal behaviors, such as smiling—or, I’d argue, jutting a finger in the air as you label something a delight.

Be Able to Laugh at Yourself Just as it’s important to be someone who laughs easily (but never cruelly), it’s also important to be able to laugh at yourself. Laughing at yourself is a way to feel more confident about putting yourself out there and trying new things. It’s a very specific form of self-assuredness and confidence and, indeed, bravery that popped up again and again in the Fun Squad’s descriptions of people whom they considered fun. Fun people were described as being “not afraid to be silly” or “not afraid to try new things and to be a beginner” or “not afraid to be vulnerable.”

BUILD PLAYGROUNDS

I’m talking about structures, either metaphorical or literal, that foster fun by encouraging playfulness, connection, and flow and that signal to people that it’s okay to let down their guard.

when a playground is successful, it is likely to turn into a tradition—and traditions themselves can spawn additional playgrounds that attract fun.

Traditions can be particularly potent playgrounds because, in addition to attracting fun in the moment, they hold the potential to create a “play community” that, in the words of Johan Huizinga, “generally tends to become permanent even after the game is over.”

the problem with spoilsports is that, even if they’re not trying to put a damper on things, their refusal to participate will make other people feel self-conscious about their own participation—and self-consciousness is like kryptonite to fun.

When I looked through the anecdotes that Fun Squad members had shared about their past experiences of True Fun, I noticed that a lot of them involved people taking part in activities that were, if I may say so, mildly naughty.