If He Had Been with Me

by Laura Nowlin

But when your mom has been hospitalized twice for depression, you learn to read between the lines.

She says he is a good driver, but she is still terrified of him killing himself on the road some night.

this one really hit me since you already know how the book ends

“Because everyone always says that you never get over your first love.

“No, because sometimes sad things are beautiful,” I say. “Like when someone dies.”

I want to savor this wonder, this happening of loving a book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time ever again.

with him; I’m safe from hurting myself.

“I really did think we would be friends forever,” I say. “Are you talking about us or them?” Finny says.