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I’m such a slut.
twins
You’re not a slut.
nun wrong with that
The guy has the attention span of a fruit fly,
GAGGED
“Invite him along. Five can be just as fun as four…”
SAID SHE WANTED FIVE GUYS SHE AINT TALKING BOUT BURGERS I PULL UP WITH FOUR FRIENDS AND THAY PUSSY GETS MURDERED
“Hey. You know Twilight?” He blinks. “Excuse me?” “Twilight. The vampire book.” His wary eyes study my face. “What about it?” “Okay, so you know how Bella’s blood is extra special? Like how it gives Edward a raging boner every time he’s around her?” “Are you fucking with me right now?” I ignore that. “Do you think it happens in real life? Pheromones and all that crap. Is it a bullshit theory some horndog dreamed up so he could justify why he’s attracted to his mother or some shit? Or is there actually a biological reason why we’re drawn to certain people? Like goddamn Twilight. Edward wants
...more
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
“You know, I don’t think we’re dealing with a Bella’s-magical-blood situation here.” “No?” “No. I think you’ve imprinted on this girl’s pussy.”
CHI THIS IS HILARIOUSSS
“What do you mean?” “I mean you’re facing a Jacob quandary. You imprinted on her pussy, and now it’s the only pussy you can think about. You exist solely for this pussy. Like Jacob and that weird mutant baby.” “You fucking asshole. You’ve totally read those books.” “Nuh-uh,” Beau protests. He gives a sheepish grin. “I’ve seen the movies.”
OH PLEASE SAVE ME IM DYIN HERE
“So what’s the cure, Dr. Maxwell? Go on a fuck spree and hope I un-imprint? Or keep working the charm and hope I wear her down?”
team edward but i'm team dean rn
Don’t read it, I order myself. I read it.
real shit
“Dick swords.”
HELP??
The asshole sent me a pic of a novelty My Little Pony dildo. Damn thing is bright pink, with rainbow sparkles on the handle.
AHAHAHAHAHA THE DILDO JOKES WILL BE MY END OMFGGGG BROO
“Jesus, Bella,”
TWILIGHT REFERENCES ARE BACK BABY
“Where is she?”
PERIODDDD
sex god
absolutely NOT. that title is reserved for DADDY (literal father) garrett graham
I can’t think about Beau without feeling a shooting pain in my heart. Fuck, I miss that big oaf. I miss talking to him, just shooting the shit with him.
MY HEART STOP🥹🥹
Who else can I discuss Twilight with and not feel judged?
BWAHAHAHAH
“Stop being such a girl, Dean. I like you again.”
dakota is the best character in this book and ur lying if u say otherwise
Allie’s agent phoned with news that made her shriek so loud that Garrett heard her all the way from his shower and flew into my room buck-naked, armed with a hockey stick.
BWAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK GARRETT
