You Don't Want to Know: The grisly, jaw-dropping and most macabre moments from history, nature and beyond

by James Felton

park. It wasn’t clear at that point that it was Andy, but for one vital clue: NONE OF THE OTHER GEESE IN THE WORLD WORE SHOES. Andy was missing, and the body was confirmed to be him. What’s more, the family investigated the backyard where Andy had been caged, and found two sets of footprints. One set was the normal everyday goose footprints that you’d expect to find, but the other footprints were larger, clearly from a human, or perhaps a slightly larger goose. It was, forgive me Jesus, a murder most fowl. ‘The instant we looked at his poor dismembered body, we knew it was him,’ Gene told the Chicago Tribune,76 not even considering the possibility that someone had rammed shoes onto a separate goose, or taking a moment to apologise to that day’s shoe sponsor. ‘Andy died with his boots on.’ Of course, a media storm descended on the town once more. Even though people probably ate goose, or at least usually couldn’t give a shit if a goose died, they hated the idea that someone would do this to a goose that had made the effort to wear shoes. Reward money came flooding in for anybody with any information. Little tip: if your cat goes missing and nobody cares, tell them it likes to wear a tuxedo and you might be in business. Condolence cards came in absurd numbers, and a gravestone was paid for by fans, and tips for the murder investigation kept coming. The police followed up on a lot of the leads, but found nothing. We’ll never know exactly what happened to Andy, the celebrity g...