I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Third Edition: Understanding the Borderline Personality

by Jerold J. Kreisman

A further complicating factor during this time is that the developing infant tends to perceive each individual in the environment as two separate personae. For example, when mother is comforting and sensitive, she is seen as “all-good.” When she is unavailable or unable to comfort and soothe, she is perceived as a separate “all-bad” mother. When she leaves his sight, the infant perceives her as annihilated, gone forever, and cries for her return to relieve the despair and panic. As the child develops, this normal “splitting” is replaced by a healthier integration of mother’s good and bad traits, and separation anxiety is replaced by the knowledge that mother exists even when she is not physically present and will in time return—a phenomenon commonly known as object constancy (see below). Prevailing over these developmental milestones is the child’s developing brain, which can sabotage normal adaptation.