You Are Not Alone

by Greer Hendricks

I can see why it seems weird to her, here in the cozy apartment with three-bean chili warming in a pot on the stove and a postcard for a Yoga with Baby class affixed to her refrigerator. Amanda wouldn’t have haunted Mel; they have nothing in common.

On average, women report having eight close friends. Studies have found that, when under stress, women tend to seek out these female friendships. Instead of simply experiencing the adrenal-based “fight or flight” response, women also secrete the “bonding hormone,” oxytocin. This phenomenon has been termed “tend and befriend.”

The number one rule for getting people to like you is to ask them about themselves. So I lob a question to them.

One of the best ways to get someone to like you is to ask them to do a favor for you. In one study conducted in both the U.S. and Japan, people who thought they were working on a joint project ended up reporting liking someone more when that person asked for their help with the task. This is called the Benjamin Franklin effect. The phenomenon is named for the way the founding father used this tactic to appeal to a political rival, by asking the man to lend him a book from his library.

She hadn’t realized how lonely she’d been before the other women had embraced her, filling the void she’d carried around since childhood. But she wasn’t truly one of them, after all. They must know it now, too.

It’s hard to admit this, but even after everything they did, a part of me misses them. When they were around, I never felt alone.

There’s also a stat I’ve thought about a lot lately: that the average person will walk past sixteen killers in the person’s lifetime.