More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Numbers never lie. Statistics, charts, percentages—they don’t contain hidden agendas or shades of gray. They’re pure and true. It isn’t until people start meddling with them, spinning and shaping them, that they become dishonest.
Neither said it with a negative tone, but those comments, along with others I often heard, made me aware that numbers affect the way people see you.
At thirty-two, Cassandra is two years older than Jane. It’s easily apparent the women—with their long, glossy black hair, gold-flecked brown eyes, and creamy skin—are sisters. But Cassandra is composed of sleek muscles, while Jane is softer and curvier, with a high, sweet voice.
552 suicides were reported in New York City last year; approximately one-third were female. 48 percent of the women were single. Among women, white females had the highest suicide rate. And within the five boroughs, suicide was highest among Manhattan residents.
Perhaps everybody second-guesses themselves in the aftermath of a suicide,
Loneliness is spreading to more and more people, almost like a virus. These days, roughly 40 percent of Americans report feeling isolated on a regular basis—double the approximately 20 percent in the 1980s. One survey found Gen Zers (those born 2001–now) to be the most lonely, followed by millennials (those born 1980–2000—my generation).
The percentage of adults who routinely eat on their own is estimated at 46 to 60 percent. Some studies show that eating alone is more strongly associated with unhappiness than any other factor, except mental illness.
In a study of people who witnessed a suicide, 60 percent said they thought about the event without meaning to. 30 percent had physical reactions when they were reminded of the event, including sweating, nausea, and difficulty breathing. Almost 100 percent said the experience had a significant impact on their lives.
On average, women report having eight close friends. Studies have found that, when under stress, women tend to seek out these female friendships. Instead of simply experiencing the adrenal-based “fight or flight” response, women also secrete the “bonding hormone,” oxytocin. This phenomenon has been termed “tend and befriend.”
We tend to like people whom we perceive as similar to us. And the less information we have about a person, the more important these perceived similarities are in influencing our approval.
Tons of studies have found that attractive, well-groomed individuals are assumed to possess positive qualities that aren’t even related to their appearance—they’re perceived as being more intelligent, more interesting, and more trustworthy. This is sometimes called the halo effect.
I once read that a sincere compliment is so powerful because it activates the reward centers in the brain, creating the same reaction that receiving money does. It truly does feel like a gift.
It seems that the data is true: Sharing personal information and emotions leads to increased feelings of closeness.
Most people lie in a conversation when they are trying to appear likable and competent. One famous study found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a ten-minute conversation. If you’re going to tell a premeditated lie, here’s how to do it: Make it believable. Practice saying it. Keep the lie short. Be confident.
It’s like I’ve tumbled into the something called the snowball effect, which I researched a while ago. Basically it means that people who commit small acts of dishonesty find it easier to tell more lies. As your fabrications pile up, your anxiety and shame start to disappear.
One of the best ways to get someone to like you is to ask them to do a favor for you. In one study conducted in both the U.S. and Japan, people who thought they were working on a joint project ended up reporting liking someone more when that person asked for their help with the task. This is called the Benjamin Franklin effect. The phenomenon is named for the way the founding father used this tactic to appeal to a political rival, by asking the man to lend him a book from his library.
The term déjà vu means “already seen,” and as much as 70 percent of the population reports having experienced it. The rates seem to be highest among people aged 15 to 25, and déjà vu experiences decrease with age. When it comes to what déjà vu really is and what causes it, there are more than 40 theories—ranging from reincarnation to glitches in our memory processes.
Forty percent of couples start off as friends.
The chances of anyone having an indistinguishable look-alike somewhere in the world—meaning all eight measurable facial features are identical—are exceedingly rare; the odds are roughly one in a trillion. But because people see the entire face of whomever they are looking at, rather than scrutinizing each individual part, they often find striking resemblances between those who don’t actually share many measurable facial similarities.
Rates of anxiety and depression are at an all-time high in a number of countries—including the U.S. Along with therapy and medication, exercise can help combat these mental health challenges by producing endorphins and enkephalins. Three or more sessions a week are generally regarded as the minimum effectiveness, with a baseline of thirty minutes per session.
The other women in the group must be led to believe Shay is obsessed with Amanda—and that her preoccupation has only been growing since Amanda’s death.
More than half of Americans believe in love at first sight, with younger people being more likely to hold this belief. Four in ten Americans say they have fallen in love at first sight. One survey found that almost three-quarters of Americans believe in “one true love.”
Blackouts represent episodes of amnesia and can be the result of excessive consumption of alcohol. The two main types of blackouts are en bloc and fragmentary. Some subjects who experience fragmentary blackouts—which are the most common form—can become aware they are missing pieces of events if they are later reminded about those events.
About 50 percent of Americans say they rely on their instincts to help them determine what feels truthful and what doesn’t. One in seven say they strongly trust their gut to make decisions, while one in ten rarely do.
The Moore sisters said the Amanda look-alike didn’t exist. But now they’ve turned me into one. Nothing is adding up.
She’d been dazzled by their charisma, their warmth, the place in the close-knit group they’d opened up to her.
They knew Amanda and I didn’t meet through a veterinarian. They knew what Amanda was wearing on the day she died even though they weren’t there. They appeared right after I spotted the woman in the polka-dot dress going into the subway, but they said she didn’t exist. They made me over to resemble Amanda. They encouraged me to move into Amanda’s apartment. They sent me to shop at Daphne’s boutique, but they never told her I’d be coming. I fell into a strange, hard sleep after they came over and gave me a glass of champagne—which they switched with a different glass. I add a few more lines: The
...more
Some people contend there are two primal fears. The first and most basic is the end of our existence. The second is isolation; we all have a deep need to belong to something greater than ourselves.
I know it sounds crazy, but I think Cassandra and Jane Moore—they’re the friends of Amanda’s that I’ve been hanging out with—are watching me. They know things about me, like what I eat or where I’ll be. And they turned my old roommate against me.
What do I know about them? I’ve never seen the inside of their apartments, or their workplace. I don’t know what keeps them up at night. And I have no idea why they acted like my friends, and then my enemies.
It’s hard to admit this, but even after everything they did, a part of me misses them. When they were around, I never felt alone.
