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“And sometimes the universe grants us the things we don’t know we need, which turn out to be a gift.”
“You know,” I muse out loud, “if it weren’t for the fact that we hated each other’s guts, we’d probably make an impressive power duo.” I expect Henry to raise his eyebrows at me as usual or make a cutting remark, but his footsteps suddenly slow beside me. “Wait. We hate each other?”
Yes, is the obvious answer. I do hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate you so much that whenever I’m around you, I can barely think straight. I can barely even breathe.
But here’s the thing about living in a place full of people who don’t look like you—whenever shit like this happens, you can’t help but wonder if you’ve been singled out for a reason.
“Even if it doesn’t feel that way now, you’re still only a kid.” He shakes his head. “You’re too young to be this...hardened by the world. You should be free to dream. To hope.”
“You really don’t know?”
“Know... Know what?”
“For one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met, you can really be quite oblivious sometimes.”
“Oh,”
“Is this the part where you kiss me?”
He leans closer, and even in the dim hotel lights, I can make out the silent laughter in his eyes. “That was not my intention.” A pause, teasing. “Why? Did you want me to?” “What? N-no, of course not,”
“It’s just—you know, in the movies...when it gets to this kind of scene, with this kind of lighting—”
“Hi, Alice,” he says, his voice overwhelmingly soft. “Bye,” I blurt out. And I flee.
“I’ve missed fighting with you at school.”
You deserve to be there more than I do.” I stare at him. “Henry... Did you just admit that I’m smarter than you?” He shoots me a half exasperated, half affectionate look. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“Are you...dating my daughter?” Oh. God. I definitely should’ve made Henry hide under the bed.
“No, no, of course not,” I hurry to tell Baba, the same time Henry says, “Yes.”
“Your Mama and I don’t work hard for you to repay us. We work hard so that you can have a better life. An easier life. And sending you to Airington—that was our choice. Spending our income on your school fees—that was also our choice. In no way should you feel obligated to take on the burden of our decisions for us. Is that clear?”
I want to be smarter and richer and stronger and just...better. But honestly? I also want to be happy. To invest in something meaningful and fulfilling, even if it is difficult, and maybe not the most practical option in the world. To spend more time with Baba and Mama and Xiaoyi, and finally hang out with Chanel, and go out on a proper date with Henry. I want to laugh until my stomach hurts, and write until I’ve crafted something that delights me, and learn to bask in my small, private victories. Learn to accept that these things, too, are worth wanting.
