A Risk on Forever

by N.S. Perkins

I love kids. I knew I did as soon as I was old enough to own a baby doll, which I dressed and brought with me everywhere. Her name was Gretchen, and you couldn’t have separated me from her for anything in the world. Motherhood was never an option for me; it was a certainty. There was no possibility of a world where I wouldn’t be a mother. I might have come into the game late, but I did still. It was incredible. All through my adult life, I often felt like a little kid, wanting to run into the ocean and dive as if I were a dolphin, or make sandcastles, only for them to be washed away by the tide and start again the next day. Now, for a thirty-year-old lady to do that, it might have seemed weird. But for a mother, it didn’t. People often talk about parenthood as if it only comes with sacrifices and troubles. And I won’t lie, it does come with all of that. But, much, much more importantly, it comes with immeasurable joy, every day for the rest of your life. There’s no better gift. One of the greatest pains I feel comes from the knowledge that I’ll never see your children. But, I rest assured in knowing that, no matter what they look like or who they become, they’ll have the best parent watching over them. Love, Helen