Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

by Brené Brown

Do I keep it? Do I trash it when no one is looking? Should I feel bad? Am I bad? Maybe I should box it all up and let my kids deal with it when it’s their turn?

It’s awful that the same substances that take the edge off anxiety and pain also dull our sense of observation. We see the pain caused by the misuse of power, so we numb our pain and lose track of our own power.

The edges taught me that the more I used alcohol, food, work, caretaking, and whatever else I could get my hands on to numb my anxiety and vulnerability, the less I would understand my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

Very few people can handle being held accountable without rationalizing, blaming, or shutting down; and

The description of intangible human feelings, the powerful internal sensations that color our every experience.

Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run, but it will never make you less afraid.”

What’s interesting is that while admiration fosters self-betterment, reverence seems to foster a desire for connection to what we revere—we want to move closer to that thing or person.

MARC PARENT, Believing It All

Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson.

Sarcasm and irony are reserved for playfulness only.

Are you dressing something up in humor that actually requires clarity and honesty?

incredulity,

Hope is a function of struggle—we develop hope not during the easy or comfortable times, but through adversity and discomfort.

“Evolutionary theory suggests that we should embrace all of our emotions, as each has an important role to play under the right circumstances.

“Hence sadness primarily functions as a contributor to and intensifier of the emotional state of being moved.”

Compassion is fueled by understanding and accepting that we’re all made of strength and struggle—no one is immune to pain or suffering.

We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain. If we’re not willing to do that, it’s not real empathy.

It’s okay to disagree with me, but it’s not okay to ridicule my ideas and beliefs.

what we are doing consciously or unconsciously that gives people permission to belittle others.

Amplified by the reach of social media, dehumanizing and humiliating others are becoming increasingly normalized, along with violence. Now, rather than humiliating someone in front of a small group of people, we have the power to eviscerate someone in front of a global audience of strangers.

“Never allow anyone to be humiliated in your presence.”

Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.

True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.

“depicted culture as more than the scenic backdrop for the unfolding of development; rather, culture is viewed as an active agent in relational processes that shape human possibility.”

I found that loneliness was often in the background of clinical illness, contributing to disease and making it harder for patients to cope and heal.”

No wonder then that we are a nation of people, the majority of whom, across race, class, and gender, claim to be religious, claim to believe in the divine power of love, and yet collectively remain unable to embrace a love ethic and allow it to guide behavior, especially if doing so would mean supporting radical change.

In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last, John Gottman explains,

does this mean we stop taking for granted what we have so we can experience real contentment and enoughness?

He is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the founding editor in chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology. He writes,

We spend so much time watching things—movies, computer screens, sports—but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.

It’s an emotion that we need to transform into something life-giving: courage, love, change, compassion, justice.

David Livingstone Smith, the author of Less Than Human, explains that dehumanization is a response to conflicting motives.

modicum

Don’t they see how badly this is being received?—remember, it doesn’t need to be received well for them to feel good about it.

research that informed Dare to Lead: I’m here to get it right, not to be right.

I have friends who talk endlessly about their religion and wear scripture on their T-shirts, yet demonstrate no connection to anyone’s suffering but their own and maybe that of the people in their immediate circle.

Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.”

Reverend King defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change.

The definition does not make the nature of power inherently good or bad, which aligns with what I’ve learned in my work. What makes power dangerous is how it’s used.

In this life, we will know and bear witness to incredible sorrow and anguish, and we will experience breathless love and joy. There will be boring days and exciting moments, low-grade disappointment and seething anger, wonder and confusion. The wild and ever-changing nature of emotions and experiences leaves our hearts stretch-marked and strong, worn and willing.