Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

by Brené Brown

I admire and turn to often, including Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, and Jack Kornfield, write about near enemies. To get our heads and hearts around this concept, I thought I’d share a different definition and a couple of examples. In an incredibly timely and powerful article, “The Near and Far Enemies of Fierce Compassion,” Chris Germer writes, “Near enemies are states that appear similar to the desired quality but actually undermine it. Far enemies are the opposite of what we are trying to achieve. For example, a near enemy of loving-kindness is sentimentality—similar but different. A far enemy of loving-kindness is ill will—the opposite of loving-kindness. Similarly, a near enemy of compassion is pity and a far enemy is cruelty.” Without the language of near and far enemies, and without the tools of emotional granularity and self-awareness, the difference between how we want to show up and the near enemies of these practices feels nuanced. But this type of nuance predicts the difference between wholeheartedness and brokenheartedness. Jack Kornfield explains that near enemies may seem like the qualities that we believe are important, and may even be mistaken for them, but they are different and often undermine our practices. He writes, “The near enemies depict how spirituality can be misunderstood or misused to separate us from life.” When I read that last sentence, I had to break it down and reread it about twenty times: “The near enemies depict how spirituality can be mi...