I needed the concept of near enemies because when it comes to cultivating meaningful connection, the far enemies—the real opposites—are not what get in the way most of the time. They’re easy to recognize—we don’t get tricked into believing that everything is okay; they are up front with their disconnection. It’s the near enemies of connection—the imposters that can look and feel like cultivating closeness—that sabotage relationships and leave us feeling alone and in pain. And because they’re so stealthy, we often internalize the pain and think that something is wrong with us. Near enemies can
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