Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

by Brené Brown

“It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable, so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run, but it will never make you less afraid.”

There is no courage without vulnerability.

Vulnerability is not oversharing, it’s sharing with people who have earned the right to hear our stories and our experiences. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

choose connection over comparison.

good friends aren’t afraid of your light. They never blow out your flame and you don’t blow out theirs—even when it’s really bright and it makes you worry about your own flame. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame. To illustrate, we’d have our kids hold their hands out, palms flat and open, and say, “If this is your flame and the wind picks up, good friends cup their hands around your flame to prevent it from going out. And you do the same for them.”

The lack of stimulation that defines “being bored” gives our imagination room to play and grow.

“Boredom is your imagination calling to you.”

The idea of “no regrets” doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with our lives.

we find that what we regret most are our failures of courage, whether it’s the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves, to say yes to something scary.

the more we know, the more we want to know.

The bittersweet side of appreciating life’s most precious moments is the unbearable awareness that those moments are passing.

Vulnerability is the first thing we look for in other people, and the last thing we want to show them about ourselves.

We need hope like we need air.

developed the habit of asking myself, “I’m really scared, worried, overwhelmed, stressed about what’s happening. Will this issue be a big deal in five minutes? Five hours? Five days? Five months? Five years?”

Connection, along with love and belonging (two expressions of connection), is why we are here, and it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfection.

We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.

True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

it’s not the quantity of friends but the quality of a few relationships that actually matters.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can be cultivated between two people only when it exists within each one of them—we can love others only as much as we love ourselves.

The brokenhearted are the bravest among us—they dared to love.

I don’t think there’s a better wish for someone you care about than joy, happiness, and love.

I think gratitude allows us to participate more in life. We notice the positives more, and that magnifies the pleasures you get from life.

humility is key to grounded confidence and healthy relationships.

As we learn to recognize and remove our armor, we replace it with grounded confidence.

Developing grounded confidence is driven by a commitment to learning and improving.

“The habits that become embodied in us are the ones that we practice the most often. And, whether we are aware of it or not, we are always practicing something.

changed how I move through my life on a daily basis: Our connection with others can only be as deep as our connection with ourselves.

The wild and ever-changing nature of emotions and experiences leaves our hearts stretch-marked and strong, worn and willing.