The Hop

by Diana Clarke

When someone looks at you and thinks you’re the whole world, and then that person leaves? You realize you existed mostly in their perception of you. You wonder if you even exist at all. Ma died of breast cancer, but I died of my mother’s death.

Kate didn’t have much, but she had privilege that followed her everywhere she went, and just because neither of us had much, because neither of us had nice things or clothes or cash, she thought we existed in the world as equals. She’s really, really white like that.

Some people are main characters in this world. Daddy’s one. Lady’s one. It’s not until you’re around someone, a protagonist of life, that you realize your ears are too big, your voice too quiet, the things you say too jumbled, uncertain. It’s not until you’re around a star that you realize that you’re a supporting character.

Heterosexuality is easy to justify when you walk with a man and feel safe.