Aftermath (Aftermath, #1)

by Cara Dee

"We have to leave this behind us now, Austin. It's in the past. I miss you, and I want you back." Jade, Austin's wife of fifteen years, wasn’t a cruel woman; he wouldn’t have stayed married to her if that were the case. But to say something like that… How did you simply leave a five-month long kidnapping behind you? How did you move on? How did you ignore a time in your life where you didn’t know if you'd even live to see tomorrow?

Yeah, let's just move on. Austin snorted quietly to himself and leaned his head back, struggling with his anger. Anger was new. He'd always been a quiet man, content to be content, and had never been demanding. But now? Christ, he was constantly on the verge of lashing out, especially when one of his headaches began to pound.

Another reason Austin couldn’t sleep was his odd need to check in with Cam—the man he'd been thrown into a cage-like cell with all those months ago. After spending most of that time together, they'd formed a bond he didn’t understand, but it was there nonetheless. In fact, it felt wrong not to see him every day now.

To an outsider, Cameron Nash was standoffish and almost appeared threatening. He looked like a bad boy, talked like he didn’t give a rat's ass, and walked like someone you didn’t want to meet in a dark alley. Not like he owned the world, but…more like, "I fucking dare you to take one step closer." But Austin knew better.

With Austin around, Cam was both relaxed and distressed. There was something about Austin's presence that Cam had grown to want more of, yet there was something else that left him dissatisfied. Almost as if he'd been teased mercilessly and then been left hanging.

Since Cam had been locked up in here, he had spent his time fighting off anxiety attacks, shouting for help, regulating his motherfucking breathing, and learning the names of the other eight fuckers in here. He'd found out that they were all stuck in small cells two by two—Victor and Chase, Lance and James, Tim and Sean, Pete and Chris. And now Cam and Austin.

"He kept talking about control." Austin stared out the massive window behind Gale. "I didn't know I'm just as dependent on it." Only, Austin didn’t get anxiety attacks like Cam did. He grew angry. Furious, even.

"Austin, do you feel like Cam was or is your responsibility?"

"What do you think about keeping it Irish?" After all, their mother was Irish, even though she was born in Cali. Her maiden name was Mulligan. "Or we could piss off Mom and say we're keeping it Irish, then we call him Bourbon." God forbid if Lily Nash was around to hear you call Irish whiskey bourbon, or even worse, Scotch. The woman knew her booze. "Harsh," Jules laughed. "How would she know your intention?" Landon countered. Cam shrugged. "Bourbon Mulligan oughta do it."

"Mom." He came up behind her and draped an arm around her shoulders. "I want you to meet Bourbon Mulligan." Lily stared up at her youngest son with a blank expression.

"You can stop being a goddamn mother," Cam replied with a glare as a puppy appeared at his feet. Oh yeah, Riley would go nuts over that little thing. "I know I'm not n-normal, but I'm not fucking stupid."

"Define normal," he countered quietly, meeting Cam in the doorway. "And for not being normal, you're the only person in the world who makes sense right now. What does that say about me?"

Austin was unable to deny that he actually found Cam beautiful. Perfect with all his imperfections.

"Give me ten more!" He grabbed on to Austin's knees. "Come on!" "Fuck you," Austin grunted and did another sit-up. His T-shirt and shorts were soaked in sweat, and it had only been half an hour. It was fucking embarrassing. When he got home, maybe he'd even go into Jade's secret ice cream stash at the back of the freezer. "Not while you're my client." Angelo winked. Austin collapsed down on the floor and stared up at Angelo with wide eyes. Seriously? Perhaps there was a damn sign on Austin's forehead that read, "I may or may not have thought about a cock today that wasn’t my own."

Instead of thinking about what Cam had said this morning, he was just pissed. He grew angry for nothing. Angry for not being able to do twenty-five sit-ups without gasping for air, angry for his physical reaction to Cam earlier, angry at Jade for not understanding him, angry at himself for the same reason, angry at his boss for telling him not to come back yet, and angry for…basically everything and everyone—not counting his daughter.

"By the way—" he stifled a yawn and slid under the blanket, into Austin's waiting arms "—if you wake up tomorrow regretting this, you know where the fucking door is."

Austin loathed the fact that he'd technically cheated on his own wife, but… He'd felt betrayed by her words; she'd basically given him an ultimatum. Then on the other hand, he didn’t know if he really cared anymore. About their marriage, about her.

Yesterday he hadn't been able to control himself. He'd thought about Cam too much, and then when he'd connected the dots between Brian and Cam…it had turned him into a jealous bastard who needed to mark his territory. He'd felt threatened.

If day-by-day doesn’t work, take it hour-by-hour. What do you want, Austin? Gale's question went on repeat, and he asked himself the same. What did he want? It was too soon to say exactly what it was with Cam that Austin wanted, and he wanted to break it down to just a one-word answer: Cam. He wanted Cam—needed Cam—period, but he had no clue what that meant. Comfort, closeness…intimacy? He groaned quietly and rolled over onto his stomach again, burying his face in the pillow that smelled like Cam.

He didn’t find Cam odd for being depressed or anxious. He understood it, and whenever Cam was down, Austin wanted to be there. Once again, it reminded him of Gale's question about whether or not he felt like Cam was his responsibility, and he had finally come up with his answer. No, he didn’t see Cam as a responsibility. Not at all. He was only protective. Austin cared about him. A lot.

As far as Austin knew, lust came first, but that wasn’t true here. Somewhere in the past six months, he'd started to fall for Cam, and now there was no going back. He'd been blindsided by terms like friendship and brotherhood, maybe even brothers-in-arms, but this went deeper.

Austin fucked the man under him harder and faster, not because it provided comfort, but because he fucking loved him.

Friends could leave, wives and husbands could divorce, passion could fade, but the love you felt for your child was forever.

"I only have one suggestion." Austin put his food aside. Then he stood up and motioned for Cam to stand, too. They closed the distance between them and Austin moved his cuffed hands over Cam's head, then cupped his neck and rested their foreheads together. "I think it's time for empty promises."

Was this it? Had they come so far past believing in rescue that they had to lie to one another in order to cope and keep breathing?

Austin's voice was threadbare and almost inaudible. "If I see a chance, I'll fight with all I have left."

"Jade and Riley came home early. I have to go." "I gathered that." Cam offered a forced smile. "Trouble in paradise?" Austin snorted and put on his shoes. "More like the final nail in the coffin." He scrubbed a hand over his face, bone-weary and angry. This was one of those times he didn’t want to be an adult.

"Tell me to come back." He needed to hear it—to hear that something was real. Tension he hadn't even noticed before disappeared from Cam's shoulders. "Come back whenever you can," he murmured.

"Riley stays with me." Jade's eyes widened. "What? No!" she cried out. "I'm her mother; she should be with me." A small and sinister smile made its way to Austin's face. "Wrong way to phrase it, Jade. She should be with you if you want her to. Not because you're her mother." Anger burned in his eyes. "How will you even deal with all this? You're just going to pack up the house, move to Delano, get settled in a new place, adjust to your new job, enroll Riley at a new school, and deal with the fact that she doesn’t want to be there?"

"Don’t drag this out. I want an easy divorce, and you being bitter won't help." Austin couldn’t help but laugh. "Bitter? Oh, Jade." He chuckled and shook his head. "You have it all wrong. You're under the impression that I want us to stay together." Jade suddenly looked shocked. "Truth be told, I honestly don’t give a fuck about you anymore." That was aimed to hurt, and it looked like it did. But his ex-wife-to-be fucking deserved it. The way she'd treated him since he came back home… "You manipulative little…" He trailed off, angrier than ever before. "Austin," Jade choked out. "What are you doing? How can you say that to me—" "Asks the woman who told me to get over a five-month long kidnapping without so much as a pat on the back."

For being called social networks, they sure involved a lot of time spent holed up alone.

Maybe if he'd considered it to be unhealthy to be with Cam, Austin would speak up, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t like he had to see Cam every hour of the day. He didn’t feel particularly clingy or needy; he didn’t get anxious when Cam left the house or anything. He just wanted…he wanted them to be together. Spend their nights together, be closer than a phone call away, and have the same place to call home. He wasn’t ready for it yet, and he had to think of Riley, too, but it was what he ultimately wanted—

Unbeknownst to Austin, Cam had just realized that he was, in fact, in love. It had clicked when he'd seen that ring finger bare. And it was freaking him out just a bit.

It was last month that Cam had—during sex—mumbled, "I want it all with you." And it had triggered Austin's desires for the same to morph into demanding cravings. Sometimes, it was all he could think about.

"You know, son, most men who hit their forties battle their little midlife crisis by buying a Porsche." Griffin gave his son a pointed look. "That could work for you, too." Austin let out a quiet, shaky laugh. He was relieved. If this was the response, he considered himself lucky.

Cam enjoyed having family over these days, as long as he wasn’t too crowded. Riley wasn’t allowed to wake up Cam in the mornings, for fear of startling him. Austin still tended to downplay his own struggles, but he was working on it. Gale would be in their lives for years to come, and some scars would never fade. But Cam and Austin stuck together, gun or no gun, and created their own little piece of fucking awesome in that house in Bakersfield. As friends, lovers, partners, brothers-in-arms, and with Riley, as a family.