Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

by Devon Price

All people are assumed to think, socialize, feel, express emotion, process sensory information, and communicate in more or less the same ways. We’re all expected to play along with the rules of our home culture, and blend into it seamlessly.

We have trouble distinguishing between information or sensory data that should be ignored versus data that should be carefully considered

We are highly focused on details rather than “big picture” concepts

Processing a situation takes us more time and energy than it does for a neurotypical person

“Everybody is a little bit Autistic,” is a common refrain that masked Autistic people hear when we come out to others. This remark can feel a bit grating to hear, because it feels like our experiences are being downplayed. It’s similar to when bisexual people get told that “everybody is a little bit bi.” When most people make remarks like these, they’re implying that because our difference is so universal, we can’t actually be oppressed for it, and should just shut up about it. However, I do think that when allistic people declare that everyone is a little Autistic, it means they are close to making an important breakthrough about how mental disorders are defined: why do we declare some people broken, and others perfectly normal, when they exhibit the exact same traits? Where do we draw the line, and why do we even bother doing so? If an Autistic person benefits from more flexibility at work, and more social patience, why not extend those same benefits to everybody? Autistic people are a normal part of humanity, and we have qualities that can be observed in any other non-Autistic human. So yes, everyone is a little bit Autistic. That’s all the more reason to broaden our definition of what is deserving of dignity and acceptance.

Nonwhite Autistics were instead identified as defiant, antisocial, or schizophrenic—all disorders that made it easier to incarcerate them, or forcibly place them in institutions.[62]

It takes many years of research and meeting real-life counter-examples for most of us to recognize Autism isn’t the cold, robotic condition we’ve been told it is.

The stigma that comes with Autism (and its very male, standoffish associations) may be part of why so many women on the spectrum find labels such as anxious and highly sensitive to be far more resonant.

As I briefly mentioned above, Autism and ADHD co-occur and overlap immensely. Both disabilities relate to a person’s “executive functioning,” meaning their ability to plan ahead, divide large goals into smaller steps, sequence tasks in a logical order, and self-motivate to complete them. Yet even the fact that we struggle with these activities is contextual, and cultural: in a world where rugged individualism wasn’t prioritized, it might not be a disability to need help finding your car keys. Both Autistics and ADHDers are easily distracted by stimuli, yet also prone to hyperfixating on activities we find enjoyable, getting engrossed for hours without remembering to pee or eat.

The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (or ASAN) and other organizations led by Autistic people reject terms like high functioning and low functioning. Those words oversimplify how a disability affects a person’s life, and equates their productivity with their value as a human being.[92] A person who can speak, socialize, and hold down a job may strike outside observers as very “high functioning”; in private, that same person may need help getting dressed, or may require people to remind them when to eat.

Hiding self-destructiveness behind a mountain of achievements isn’t functioning, not really. The very concept of “functioning status” is predicated on the logic of capitalism and the legacy of the Protestant work ethic, which both have trained us to believe that a person’s productivity determines their worth.[94]

If you suspect you are Autistic, I encourage you to find a local Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) chapter,

What the researchers found was that parents did not accurately perceive the level of their kids’ suffering. Instead, parents based their ratings of Autism “severity” on how much their kids’ behavior bothered them and required a lot of their time and attention.

Sadly, the comfort and convenience of the neurotypical teachers and parents are prioritized, so ABA remains the one and only “evidence-based” treatment for Autism that most insurance plans will cover. Becoming “well behaved” is more important than being psychologically well.

“I made friends by drinking. Alcohol gave me dating and adventures and sex. Without it, all of these things are much harder, some of them impossible. I don’t leave the house very much anymore. In a lot of ways, I became a more autistic person when I got sober.” The flip side of this can sometimes be true. In order to get sober, sometimes you have to be willing to be more Autistic.

Detachment and Dissociation

For example, when there are too many people around, my friend Angel says he goes away into “Angel World” in his head, and everyone around him becomes blurry. He has some relatives that he has never seen the faces of, because he’s only ever met them at big family gatherings where everyone blends into a sea of muddy, vague shapes. When he’s dissociating, he can still go through the motions of eating, bathing, and walking around, but mentally he’s not really there.

Work-from-home and consulting positions frequently undercompensate and overwork us, but they offer a level of flexibility and privacy that more stable jobs lack.

In addition to compensating by working from home or pursuing digital work, a significant percentage of Autism maskers disengage from reality via internet and gaming.[40] Digital work and gaming are incredibly appealing to Autistic people’s brains. Online and in games, cause and effect are clearer than in “real” life.

It might not feel like it’s an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life.

Painful labels they’d carried around inside themselves for years suddenly didn’t seem as relevant: it wasn’t that they were stupid, or clueless, or lazy, they were just disabled.

Naming their position in society as a disabled person helped them to externalize that which had long been internalized. It proved that none of their suffering had been their fault.

Reframing Autistic Stereotypes

Being obsessed with a person or topic isn’t a choice, and does not necessarily reflect our values or beliefs,

Interestingly, adults are only shamed for having an obsessive interest if that interest is a bit too “strange,” and doesn’t come with the opportunity to rack up a lot of achievements or make a lot of money. People who routinely complete eighty-hour workweeks aren’t penalized for being obsessive or hyperfixated; they’re celebrated for their diligence. If an adult fills their evenings after work learning to code or creating jewelry that they sell on Etsy, they’re seen as enterprising. But if someone instead devotes their free time to something that gives them pleasure but doesn’t financially benefit anyone, it’s seen as frivolous or embarrassing, even selfish. In this instance, it’s clear that the punishing rules imposed on Autistic children reflect a much broader societal issue: pleasure and nonproductive, playful time are not valued, and when someone is passionate about the “wrong” things, that passion is discouraged because it presents a distraction from work and other “respectable” responsibilities.

And as the research on self-stigma that I discussed earlier suggests, wearing one’s identity with pride can reduce feelings of self-consciousness and alienation.

You also don’t have to learn to express yourself or connect with others in a neurotypical-approved way. If eye contact is painful and overwhelming for you, unmasking by refusing to perform eye contact is more important than getting comfortable with it. By engaging with healthy, supportive people, you can learn to open up and express yourself effectively—in a way that works for you. As you get more comfortable in your own skin, you may find that people are less threatening and confusing as an added benefit.

Autistic people created the concept of fandom. In his book NeuroTribes, Steve Silberman describes how Autistic nerds in the early 1900s traveled across the country by car, on foot, and even by hopping trains in order to meet people who shared their niche interests.

Though culturally competent, compassionate mental health services can be life-changing, psychiatry and psychology have also done immense structural harm to the very people they purport to serve. From the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, to Hans Asperger’s research on “high functioning” Autistics, to the forced lobotomies performed on gay people and communists, immense violence has been done in the name of science and “protecting” the public.

I know so many Autistic people for whom their diagnosis or self-realization was a clarifying and affirming moment. After the initial shock and shame passes, coming into a neurodiverse identity can prompt you to reexamine your entire life, and all your old values, allowing you to build something slower, more peaceful, and more beautiful.