Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

by Devon Price

I lived by a very narrow set of rules, and remaining independent and invulnerable was chief among them.

My social isolation was a way of rejecting other people before they could reject me.

I got

into unhealthy, codependent relationships because I needed approval and didn’t know how to get it, so I just molded myself into whatever my partner at the time was looking for.

Refusing to perform neurotypicality is a revolutionary act of disability justice.

When you stop judging yourself according to the neurotypical gaze, everything from your relationship norms and daily habits, to the way you dress yourself and design your home is free to change.

she lined up toys in rows instead of playing pretend with them,

Peers detect there’s something unnameably “off” about them, and exclude them despite their best attempts at friendliness. When the child makes themselves small and inobtrusive, they’re granted some of the affection they desperately crave and never get enough of. So they do it more and more, quieting the voice inside themselves that says how they’re being treated isn’t fair.

Then, after decades of forcing themselves into a restrictive neurotypical box, they have some kind of breakdown that finally makes all the turmoil bubbling beneath the surface impossible to ignore.

Autistic people frequently experience inertia in starting a task,[6] and challenges in breaking complex activities down into small steps that follow a logical sequence.[7] This can make everything from basic household chores to applying to jobs and filing taxes incredibly challenging, or even impossible without help.

Autistic people also exhibit less

of what neuroscientists call global-to-local interference:[19] we are inclined to zero in on small details, even when those details don’t jibe with the overall “big picture” that a non-Autistic person might see.

Almost anyone can be viewed as defective or abnormal under our current medicalized model of mental illness—at least during particularly trying periods of their lives when they are depressed or their coping breaks down. In this way, neurotypicality is more of an oppressive cultural standard than it actually is a privileged identity a person has.

Traits Commonly Associated with “Female Autism”[10] Emotional Strikes others as emotionally immature and sensitive. Prone to outbursts or crying jags, sometimes over seemingly small things. Has trouble recognizing or naming one’s feelings. Ignores or suppresses emotions until they “bubble up” and explode. May become disturbed or overwhelmed when others are upset,

but uncertain how to respond or support them. Goes “blank” and seems to shut down after prolonged socializing or when overstimulated. Psychological Reports a high degree of anxiety, especially social anxiety. Is perceived by others as moody and prone to bouts of depression.

May have been diagnosed with mood disorders such as Bipolar Disorder, or personality disorders such as Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, before Autism was discovered. Fears rejection intensely and tries to manage how other people feel to avoid it. Has an uns...

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It’s easier to socially camouflage if you’re the kind of person society doesn’t view with much suspicion in the first place.

“I would never have survived following neurotypical rules,” Anand writes. “But my rules weren’t necessarily the best ones to follow in a relationship. For example, my rules said disconnect the minute I’m overwhelmed. Stop listening…Keep my secrets.”

Hiding your Autism, your cultural Blackness, and your queerness or womanhood can be too much. Sometimes the only viable alternative is to shut down and become deeply inhibited. You can’t offend anyone if you simply melt into the wallpaper.

Just as many Autistic women and trans people adapt by becoming nonthreatening and small, Black Autistics frequently have to self-preserve by plastering on a smile.

In 1911, the psychiatrist Eugene Bleuler coined the term autism.[53] It literally means “isolated self.”

This is in contrast to the term for non-Autistic, allistic, which means other-self or connected-self.[54]

If you seek out a lot of social contact, you’ll get more practice interacting with people, so it makes sense that extroverted Autistics gradually learn to more easily blend in.

Outgoing Autistics may fumble with social niceties, interrupt too often, seem “too enthusiastic,” or even be accused of histrionics, but a high degree of interest in connecting with others does generally benefit them psychologically and socially.[61]

While they found it easy to make surface-level friends at the bar where they use to work, they say that bonding with someone in a deeper way proved very difficult. They second-guess themselves, and are constantly

running an algorithm in the back of their mind about how their actions and words will be received by others.

That can manifest in us being either sensory seekers (sometimes called sensory inattentive types)[63] or sensory avoiders—and most of us are a combination of both, depending on the sense.

Often, a person exists somewhere on a spectrum between multiple disorders, or has a unique combination of traits from multiple conditions.

People with post-traumatic stress disorder, for example, can look very similar to Autistic people.

He tells me his diagnosis of complex PTSD effectively masked his neurodivergence for many, many years.

We tend to be pretty rational people, and many of us are already inclined to analyze our thoughts and feelings very closely (sometimes excessively

In fact, most of us have been browbeaten into ignoring our feelings too much.

Autism can also look a lot like an anxiety disorder. Most of us are anxious nearly every moment we’re around other people, after all. Overstimulating, unpredictable surroundings will tend to activate our fight-or-flight response.

he has long been an advocate for the view that Autism is best understood as an “extremely male brain.”[81]

Yet even the fact that we struggle with these activities is contextual, and cultural: in a world where rugged individualism wasn’t prioritized, it might not be a disability to need help finding your car keys.

When Autism intersects with other disorders or disabilities, traits can take on new forms or be hidden entirely.

The Instagram account @MyAutisticNurse documents the life of one “high functioning” Autistic person, a nurse who goes by the nickname Boo.[91] By all accounts, Boo is a fantastic nurse; her mind is a repository of medical facts that she can call from memory at will. She’s excellent at working with pediatric patients and putting them at ease. She also has days when she is completely unable to speak. After an especially stressful shift at her hospital, she spends hours on the floor, lining up her favorite toys over and over. Like any other Autistic person, she has meltdowns and low-energy days, but because she’s intelligent and capable, her Autism doesn’t fit the “typical” mold.

This is a bit ironic, because learning to speak at an early age was an early indicator of Asperger’s Disorder.[93]

I clung to adults who found me “impressive” and equated being well-behaved with being mature and worthy of their respect.

I got so attached to seeing myself as smart and accomplished that I neglected my physical health in the pursuit of success, too.

The first step to unmasking is accepting who you are, and finding others with similar experiences.

You might also wish to seek out tools created by Autistic people, for Autistic people.

RealSocialSkills.org

When we unmask, we get to reexamine every choice that we’ve made to “fit in,” and begin to construct more authentic and affirming lives.

Mirroring her female classmates and pretending to like what they liked was an act of masking, too.

We say the wrong thing, misread a situation, or fail to play along with a neurotypical joke, and our difference is suddenly laid bare for all to see.

“Adults” are supposed to be independent, though of course no person actually is.

As I grew older, I overcorrected for secretly being “childish” and “embarrassing” by adopting a façade of jadedness and hyperindependence.

I refused to cry in front of anybody, and resented anyone who did express emotions openly.