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The few relationships I did have were enmeshed; I took responsibility for others’ problems, tried to manage their emotions for them, and lacked any capacity to say “no” to unreasonable requests.
Rudy Simone’s Aspergirls
Women don’t have “milder” Autism because of their biology; people who are marginalized have their Autism ignored because of their peripheral status in society.
Masking is a state of exclusion forced onto us from the outside.
Our first experience of ourselves as a person in the world, therefore, is one of being othered and confused. We only get the opportunity to take our masks off when we realize other ways of being exist.
Autistic mannerisms, and a means of making it conform to conventional beauty standards, protecting me from negative attention. My social isolation was a way of rejecting other people before they could reject me. My workaholism was a sign of Autistic hyperfixation, as well as an acceptable excuse to withdraw from public places that caused me sensory overwhelm. I got into unhealthy, codependent relationships because I needed approval and didn’t know how to get it, so I just molded myself into whatever my partner at the time was looking for.
Refusing to perform neurotypicality is a revolutionary act of disability justice. It’s also a radical act of self-love.
neurotypicality is more of an oppressive cultural standard than it actually is a privileged identity a person has. Essentially no one lives up to neurotypical standards all of the time, and the rigidity of those standards harms everyone.
“typical” Autism is probably even less typical than official figures would have us believe.
Where the medical model of disability fails is in making sense of disabilities that come from social exclusion or oppression.
Enter the social model of disability, originally coined in the 1980s by disabled academic Mike Oliver.
