Head Above Water

by C.E. Ricci

But even death has nothing on losing someone who is still alive. Knowing someone you love is still walking this Earth, going about their day-to-day life, just not part of your life anymore. That’s what I’m feeling right now.

As I look at him, standing at the opposite end of a church aisle.

The man I swear I’m meant to be with. The man I can’t have. My fucking stepbrother, who made me fall deeper in love with him amidst the worst possible circumstance, only for it to all c...

But when it pertains to Cannon Tate, my infuriatingly gorgeous stepbrother, things neither come nor go easily. And if he’s going to carry the torch of hate for what very well could be the rest of our lives, I’ll be the one carrying the stupid, futile crush.

Easton’s a filthy fantasy, a dream I never let myself explore. And now he’s calling to me like a siren’s song.

“If you need me, have me. If you want me, take me.”

Never in my fucking life have I stood before another man and begged to touch him, but if that’s what he wants, I’ll do it. I’ll gladly get on my knees for him, here and now.

I want him to never stop looking at me like that. Like he wants me. Like I can give him something no one else can. Like he needs me as much as I need him.

Now, shut up and fuck my face, Cannon.”

I don’t normally have a praise kink, but I’ll do just about anything to keep him telling me exactly how much he’s enjoying what I’m doing to him.

“Goddamnit. What am I gonna do with you?”

“You and that magic mouth.”

Slowly. Savoring him and this feeling of happiness I haven’t had in weeks. And then, for some stupid reason, the greedy heart in my chest ruins it all by answer...

Keep me together. Be the thing I can cling to. My fucking anchor.

I can already feel the pieces of who he used to be slipping away, and while I’m doing my best to grasp for them, hold onto them, I can’t seem to get them all. And all I can think about is how much I need him too. His smile and laugh and carefree attitude. Every part of himself that makes him Easton.

Shatter, break, and fall apart first if you need to, I plead internally. But please, just come back to me.

To keep him whole. To help him heal. To never let another thing break his heart the way losing her did. I’ll be whatever he needs me to be. Fucking anything.

I kiss him like I’m starved for him, and it’s probably because I am. I’m a raw, emotional mess, and the one thing I need to make it all go away is him.

“We don’t know how much time we have before it’s all over. And we can’t just take it for fucking granted. We need to do more than just survive. We need to fucking live.”

“It’s time to live,”

“Be alive with me, Can.”

“Ride me, baby. I’m all yours. Take what you need, however you need it,”

Every piece of my heart. Every part of my soul. I give it all to him.

“You own me,” I utter through the gravel caught in my throat. “Every fucking inch of me.”

“Then just know, I always take care of what’s mine,” he whispers back.

I’ve never felt more cared for. Wanted and loved. My heart might be in shreds, but right now, I’ve never felt more alive.

Come back to me, East. I’m right here, baby. I’m right here.

“Fuck me like I’m the one you want. Like this thing between us is real.”

“Fuck me like I’m yours.”

All I can do is stare at him, so raw and broken before me as I grapple with the desperation to put him back together, piece by piece. And it wins. Like it always does. My mouth crashes back to his, and I realize he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t see that there’s no chance th...

“Shh, baby,”

“You have to be quiet.”

if I thought I was infatuated with him before, back in high school? It doesn’t hold a damn candle to the way I feel about him now.