Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience

by Krispin Mayfield

Dr. Karyn Purvis, who worked with children “from hard places,” found that the way out of fear and shame was playfulness. Playfulness is an activity for its own sake—there’s no grand goal or function. It’s about enjoyment together.21

We need to find ways to enter into a yield state with God that builds a sense of delight. We need regular routines of resting with God. Instead, our spiritual lives often look just the opposite.

A Pause from Evaluation This exercise requires a blank, loose piece of paper (not in a journal!). Make a list of the behaviors or activities that you tend to think God is most concerned about in your life. Next to each behavior or issue, write two basic 1–5 scales that look like this: 1–2–3–4–5 1–2–3–4–5 One scale is for you, and one is for God. Don’t fill out either of them. Next, fold up the paper into thirds—like a letter. Place it somewhere you can’t see it, such as in an envelope or a drawer. You won’t be filling it out. This step is to intentionally pause evaluation of yourself while you spend time with God. Putting evaluation aside is a way to remember that God cares about more than just correcting your behavior. Take three deep breaths and close your eyes for a moment. When you open them, notice three things that you can see and five things you are grateful for. Your mind might want to return to evaluation, but remind yourself that the evaluation is still on the paper and you can return to it later. For now you are being grateful for what God has placed in your life. Afterward, notice how your body feels. Consider what you want to do with the evaluation paper. You might want to return to it, you might want to shred it—either is okay. There will be times of evaluation and reflection on behavior, but it’s important to know that you can always take a break from evaluation as well.

There’s a reason for that. Positive evaluation isn’t the same thing as connection. Being admired is not the same as being adored. Being praised for our achievements is not the same feeling as being liked.

We don’t want to be told we’re considered perfect because of Christ’s work; we want to be wrapped up in a huge hug. We don’t want to be acquitted of our crimes in a Divine courtroom; we want to be invited back into the family. We don’t want to escape punishment, so much as we want communion.

Walking in the Cool of the Evening Exercise We can discover delight best when we set aside evaluation—even if only for a time. Decide on a calm, quiet activity. Take a walk with God, or stare out the window. Putter around the garden. Put on your favorite record and do nothing else. Invite God to join you in your activity. As in previous exercises, acknowledge that there’s no need to force yourself to feel any certain way or to have a “take away” from this encounter with your Divine Parent. Afterward, reflect on how this felt compared with other spiritual activities. Were there parts that were more or less helpful? Uncomfortable or boring? What does your body tell you about this experience?

I play video games as my spiritual practice. Let me explain.

playing a video game for an hour—maybe two—is a spiritual discipline. I waste my time, trusting that it does not change God’s feelings toward me at all. When I consciously rest in his delight as I play, I find a new way of being with God that has nothing to do with how good or bad I’m doing.

She knew that if she had any picture of God’s loving kindness and delight, it was in the hearty laugh of her grandmother, so she would bring that experience to mind. She would also talk to her grandmother—in her mind—about these feelings of being unlovable and found that her grandmother always responded in a deeply compassionate way that helped melt away the shame.36

Shame Art Exercise Since shame can be so right-brain dominant, I want to invite you again to explore your emotional world through art. Bring to mind a time when you felt shame—whether it was an overwhelming, panic-inducing storm or a passing yet stinging pang of shame. Draw a picture of the feeling. It doesn’t have to be skilled. It could be a distinct picture or an abstract image. Now draw a picture of the pain in whatever way makes sense to you. Stop and take a breath. Notice what the pain and shame are saying. Perhaps it’s a vague feeling of being unlovable; maybe it’s a rushing feeling of all the mistakes you’ve made. Ask yourself, “What is this pain telling me? What does it need to feel comforted? Who could provide God’s comfort to me? Is it God? Is it someone who has shown me God’s love in my life? What do they have to say about this pain?”

When you feel this kind of connection, you can shift out of fight-or-flight survival mode and bring the thinking part of your brain (prefrontal lobe) online. This allows you to engage empathy and make wiser choices. Feeling safe enables you to walk in the self-sacrificial way of Jesus. When you experience God’s delight, no longer can you close your eyes to the Divine delights in others. You can see a Divine Parent who lavishes love over creation and whose heart breaks to see suffering of beloved children. As Brennan Manning wrote, “If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others.”37 When we realize our need to feel deeply loved, we will cease endless striving to be good enough to feel better about ourselves. As we move out of feeling defective and disgusting to God, we enter into a new way of connection that is life-giving for us and for our world. We find that it opens our eyes not only to our own belovedness but to God’s love for all.

Relationship Repair Letter Exercise Take some time to write a letter to God. Put to words the pain you’ve experienced in your faith. Be as honest as possible. Refrain, for the moment, from trying to resolve your feelings through saying what you should feel or what the truth is. Just write your feelings, write out the ways you’ve felt hurt. Use the “Beginning a Forgiveness Conversation” section if needed. Notice what you feel in your body as you put your feelings into words. Allow some time and space for the pain. God is with us in our pain, though we need not feel something to know it’s true. Step into the truth of God with us through a time of silence, allowing the pain to find air. Next write down your need (again, see the previous section if needed). Then finish the letter, signing your name. Now write a letter that you imagine God would write back. Remembering that God is not defensive or dismissive, use the following prompt to begin God’s letter in response to you: Dear Child, Of course you feel . . . and continue what you could imagine God saying from that point, responding to your pain. Then imagine what God would say in response to your need. If it’s helpful, close your eyes and imagine Jesus’s face and what he would say in response to this pain.