Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience

by Krispin Mayfield

What might it mean if every time you heard, “Do not be afraid,” or “Do not worry,” it was a sign that God sees your fear and worry with a desire to respond with comfort? What if this command is a response rather than a restriction? How does your relationship with God change when you read these as comforts rather than commands? How would that change the background music of your relationship with God?

When you learn that God—or others in your life—won’t be scared away by your more vulnerable feelings, you can have a little more actual courage in life and begin to emotionally engage with the world. You’ll have a rope to hold on to when life gets difficult, and when you have that security, you can be open with both yourself and others.

Delight is one of the biggest predictors of secure attachment, and delight grows in communion, in times of simply being with one another. We need time together—looking into one another’s eyes, laughing together, playing together—to feel truly connected.

We need more than just the truth of our belovedness; we need to experience it. We need to find ways to enter into a yield state with God that builds a sense of delight. We need regular routines of resting with God.

We don’t want to be told we’re considered perfect because of Christ’s work; we want to be wrapped up in a huge hug. We don’t want to be acquitted of our crimes in a Divine courtroom; we want to be invited back into the family. We don’t want to escape punishment, so much as we want communion.

When we think of relationship as only possible when we are “good enough,” we misunderstand love.

We need to listen to the pain that comes from shame. It’s such an uncomfortable experience that we avoid it at all costs. We ignore the pain, pushing it down, or try to fix it through telling ourselves positive affirmations. But really this is a hurt part of us that needs attention and care. Noticing the lies that shame tells us helps us understand what we need to hear from God.

When you experience God’s delight, no longer can you close your eyes to the Divine delights in others. You can see a Divine Parent who lavishes love over creation and whose heart breaks to see suffering of beloved children. As Brennan Manning wrote, “If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others.”37

An attachment injury is what happens when a relationship has been broken to a point that trust feels impossible. It’s when you want to trust yet something within says, I can never trust again! When a relationship has been an intense source of pain, we begin walling off our hearts to survive, sometimes without any conscious intention to do so.

What would it mean for God to love you? What do you long for most from God? What would soothe your wounds? We need to know we matter, that our emotions matter, and that our connection is not in jeopardy. We need a love that holds us close.

Understanding your attachment style shows you the specific ways you need God to come close. You’ll never live in a constant state of secure attachment, but you can either protect yourself or take the risk of trusting in God’s rest, engagement, and delight. You can wall yourself off, or you can live as a person who needs love and closeness from your Divine Parent. There are no guarantees, but there never is when it comes to connection, just the faith of opening your heart to a God who longs for closeness.