Sometimes, when I think of Jeff at nine or ten, I wonder if he had begun to move toward some fantasy that came from nowhere and slowly began to take up permanent residence in his mind. In a psychiatric evaluation which I later read, my son claimed to have had his first sexual fantasies at around fourteen, but I saw changes in Jeff long before he reached that age, and it is hard for me to believe that dark notions, regardless of how vague and formless, were not already shaping in his mind.
