The Hacienda

by Isabel Cañas

It is said that mortal life is empty without the love of God. That the ache of loneliness’s wounds is assuaged by obedience to Him, for in serving God we encounter perfect love and are made whole.

Beautiful

But if God is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, if He is three in one in the Trinity, then God knows nothing of loneliness.

In a way it's true

God knows nothing of loneliness, because God has never tasted companionship as mortals do: clinging to one another in darkness so complete and sharp it scrapes flesh from bone, trusting one another even as the Devil’s breath blooms hot on their napes.

Industry will rise and fall, men will scorch the earth and slaughter one another for emperors or republics, but they will always want drink.

Fate had been unkind to me, but sometimes, its pettiness worked in my favor.

I wanted to cup a room in my palm, to tell it to be still, to tell it to hush.

Our relationship was founded on one thing and one thing only: my world was a dark, windowless room, and he was a door.

I sacrificed that dream because survival was more important than being lonely.

To be unpopular with the conservative criollo hacendados, those who clung to their wealth and the monarchy, meant that Rodolfo was sympathetic to the insurgents and independence.

Should is an oddly powerful word. Shame and anger have a way of flying to it like coins to lodestone.

For if sin was all I had standing between myself and the darkness, I would take it.