Where There's a Will (Lost Boys, #1)

by Jessie Walker

Grief was like a fever, she said. I just had to let it run its course. Sweat it out, just sweat it out, baby.

She didn’t account for the fact that some fevers don’t break on their own. That sometimes you have to do something drastic in order to heal.

But then, it’s over. He’s squeezing his eyes shut, and time’s speeding up, and I’m no longer the center of his fucking world. And it hurts. It hurts. How does it fucking hurt this bad?

I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be numb.

<3

I let go.

“The sun will always rise again.” I shrug. “You just need to make it through the night. Take it day by day—moment by moment if you need to—until you reach the other side. Nothing lasts forever.”

“She told me, the key to making peace with the dark, was to make peace with myself. She said, as long as I remain honest with myself, I’ll be a lot less scared of the truths the dark may reveal.” I swallow a lump in my throat before continuing on a whisper, “Because in the end, the only thing we have to fear in the dark are the things we run from in the light of day.”

“Stop me,” I tell him gravelly, bitterly, desperately, “because I fucking can’t.”

Hearts are not known for their patience after all—they only ever just want what they want, when they want it, with no regard for the consequences. And if the heart doesn’t get what it wants? It becomes violent.

“I hate you.” If this is hate, baby, I think, licking across his teeth, I don’t know if I’d survive your love.

I couldn’t let Will get hurt, too, just because we were too young and stupid to think boys could like other boys. I knew better. In the books I read, it’s always a girl and boy. Movies too. I just don’t see what the big deal is. Who cares?

He’s not his to hurt. He’s mine.

All I know is that today, I made the decision to let him go once and for all. And Waylon stopped me.

“Way?” “Yeah?” “This,” he pants into my temple. “Always remember this instead, ’kay?” “Will and Way. We’re a team. Always.” My eyes flutter shut, and I hug him tight... I whisper, “Always.” ...hoping this time, it’s a promise I can keep.